Monday, 31 December 2018

Rare, not extinct.

I've known and met many men like him- men who make their way into your lives with their charm and sweetness; men who make you believe that they're your dream come true, your knight in shining armour, your prince charming!; men who make you feel like you've never felt before- who make you believe in all the good in the world, who make you believe in kindness, in love and in a happy ending for yourself.



Though one day, all of a sudden, these men, they take it all away! They take away all the happiness they brought you, and what do they leave you with? They leave you with self doubt; they leave you second guessing your choices, you decisions and your self. They make you question your ability to sustain a relationship. They make you doubt your beauty, your intentions, your charm, your womanhood, your heart- and everything within it.





Let me tell you about these men- they're the most common kind that exist today around you. Every man you meet, or talk to, or are friends with- has most likely been this kind of man to another woman if not you. They come into your lives, paint a rosy picture, make you believe in 'forever' and then disappear once they get what they want, and once they feel like they've 'conquered' the woman. These men don't deserve your smiles, leave alone your tears; they don't deserve your kindness or love, and they absolutely don't deserve you pining over them.



If there's one person in this world that deserves your smiles, the kindness in your heart, the incorrigible effort you put into everything, the love, the pampering- then it's YOU! As the new year sets in, I want each one of you women, to take the focus off toxic men- men that clearly don't deserve you- and instead focus on self development, your goals, your skills, your wishes, your fantasies, your opinions, and your choices. Do what makes your heart happy and don't fall for men who come into your lives with ulterior motives. Remember the golden rule- 'If it seems too good to be true, it is"



Most of all, remember that no one, and especially not these kind of men should make you feel less valued or less beautiful. You are the most beautiful and the most amazing creation of god- and you deserve all the happiness in the world. Don't let anyone trick you into settling for what you feel is beneath you. You deserve more than what anyone else tells you you do. Be comfortable in your own skin and don't let a man be the measure of how you should look like or dress like. Remember that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Promise yourself to not be bogged down by what others say or think of you- you're your best judge and you are the one who should decide for yourself.

Lastly, yet probably most importantly, don't lose hope. Good men are rare, but luckily not extinct.




Wednesday, 21 November 2018

Life's a Garden

It was around 2:45am on a chilly winter night last December and I was struggling to keep myself awake. I scrolled through my oh-so-interesting Instagram feed for a bit, watched a movie on Netflix, did some travel planning and even tried to bake a cake at that hour just to keep myself from falling asleep- all so I could wish this guy I was seeing, around midnight for his birthday. Needless to mention, he was in a different time zone and thus the struggle to be up till late.

As I picked up my phone eagerly at midnight by his time zone, and opened his chat window- I resisted the temptation to call him right away-I waited till it was 12:07 so as to not seem too desperate or available. I called him 3 times, and he didn't answer a single call. I want to say I was surprised- but was I? All this while, he was online- I wanted to text, but I was too heartbroken for that. I wondered if he was talking to family, or perhaps he had just left his phone on and fallen asleep. I started to make excuses in my head- excuses that explained him not taking my calls.

I thought in my head that maybe he was just not in a pleasant mood to be away from friends and family on his birthday and maybe that's why he didn't take my calls. Once I had convinced myself with all the excuses, an hour later, I dropped him a text- wishing him all the happiness in the world. Funnily enough, he was still online and I was still the girl who clearly had no self respect. He did respond the next morning, obviously mentioning he had slept early last night. I didn't question his lying and kept things cordial. So cordial, that when he got back into the country and there was just an 18 hour window between his 2 flights- I decided to send across his favourite cake.

It was 2 months later when I saw his "Happily Ever After" pictures spread across my previously mentioned oh-so-interesting Instagram feed, that I realised that he never valued me, or liked me as much. And honestly, while I can look for flaws in myself to take the blame for not being able to sustain a relationship- he claimed there was none (not the flaws, but the relationship). But that was the day I realised that against my better judgement and the wonderful advice I give all the women out there, I continue to pursue toxic men and give in my 200 percent in relationships where I'm not even getting an acknowledgement of it being a relationship. It's become a personality trait I think. So I decided never to do that again- to never put in more efforts than the other person, before the other person; to never give someone too much, too soon unless I'm certain their intentions are genuine; I decided to be more careful and more cautious with my heart so I never have to be awake at night again wondering why someone didn't take my calls.

The ultimate question in my mind that day was not just around why I continue to pursue such men who make me feel undervalued and unappreciated.. but also around why I put in so much efforts for men who seem not to care, at all. Being in a very similar situation in life as of today, one year down from the night of the incident- I feel I have the answers to these questions.

Why we pursue someone even though they make us feel undervalued, unappreciated and unwanted or why we put tonnes of efforts is because in all probability, they made us feel really happy, really valued, and really appreciated at a point in time- so at times we're just living in hope and chasing potential- so for us as women, it's not really about how happy we currently are, but how happy we could be. Little do we know, that men tend to change after they get what they want- most of them lose interest as the thrill of the chase ends. We're optimistic and hopeful, that things would change, that they'd want us, and we'd be happy again, but that's highly unlikely.

So, there's a choice you have to make- you can cut your losses and move on from men who may be cowardly to admit with words that they don't want you- but would make it evident in their actions; or you can choose to stick around till you see their happily ever after pictures on Instagram and then spend a few weeks recovering from the trauma you suffer. I'm not saying optimism is bad, or wrong- I'm saying being realistic is what is required- if a man wants you, he will come get you- your chasing him isn't required. He has a phone too, he can call, and he can text. What's also not required is you giving your 200 percent, because that'll only lead to you being taken for granted- and let's face it, that's not the most wonderful place to be.

But to be honest, while I've always made a case for letting go and I've even written on the ramifications of holding on as well- I'd like to point out that there's a difference between wanting to nurture a withered plant back to life, and watering a dead plant. you should know what kind of plant you're dealing with and you should let go when your relationship feels like you're watering a dead plant. Because you're not only wasting your time and efforts, you're also wasting the water- the water, that's capable of nurturing and blooming yet another plant; and trust me honey, life's a garden! 

Sunday, 4 November 2018

Of Breaks, Heartbreaks and Break-ups!

When it comes to age, my opinion is same as the popular opinion- it's just a number- I mean especially with PC  marrying Nick who's 11 years younger to her. But very recently, I was shook to my very core when I met my cousins after a long time and actually sat down to chat with them. Kynaa is 15 and her younger brother Ayaan is 13. Both their ages combined is how old I am- and while I've dealt with heartbreaks of my own- one conversation with them; and it seemed like they're dealing with so much more than I ever have or could.

Kynaa is the more chatty one amongst the two- I'm guessing she's taken after me. Without even me asking she decided to tell me about this guy Mehul who she's been with for 5 years now in an on and off relationship. Absolutely made me question my own capabilities as I honestly struggle to keep myself or a man interested for longer than a month. However, what was more interesting was that she said he's embarrassed of her because he's too cool to be a 'one woman man', and that caused a major heartbreak for her. I couldn't believe my ears because when I was a teenager, I probably had a crush or two and we would maybe just share lunch boxes but that was it. Even today, as a matter of fact, if a man wouldn't want to date me, and the hypothesis I'd draw would relate to him being too cool to be a one woman man;- just seems like a very far fetched thought in my head.

Ayaan on the other hand, told me he had recently started dating this wonderful girl. Kynaa joked and said how Ayaan's current girlfriend is better than his last as the last one was a 'S***'. I was so taken aback at the usage of that word that I missed out on asking why Kynaa categorised her as one. But as per Ayaan, even though it had been just a month with his current girlfriend- he already thought he needed a break. A 13 year old, needed a 'break' from his 1 month old relationship- it was just so appalling to me and I couldn't help but think of my own self so I asked him why he thought he needed a break. His answer? It's cool to take breaks in relationships- makes you feel like you're in the movies, and it's better for the 'long term'.

Wow! I began to wonder how at such a young age, Kynaa and Ayaan were already thinking about the long term and were already dating and jumping from relationship to relationship. Why was this the case? Was it because it's cool, as they say? Or because they see adults struggling to find love so they want to start early on and get ahead in this non-existent yet seemingly important race where you have to find 'the one'? Before I could finish pondering over this, Kynaa brought me back to reality as she exclaimed, she thinks she should 'break-up' for once and for all. I didn't need to ask her why.

She said it's been 5 years and that's a long time, and because she wants to date more people and because she feels it's not working out so she wants to give up. I wanted to advise her against it- because in my opinion, if you find someone who you feel you like enough, it's unjust to think about wanting to date more people. People are not options- and I don't believe in treating them that way. Also, the longer you are with someone, the better you understand each other- I was unable to understand how time was a factor that was pro breaking up. And lastly, because I don't think giving up is the only option when things are not working out- you could also try to fix them- when the going gets tough, the tough get going!

But honestly, I didn't give any advice to Kynaa- mostly because I couldn't get myself to advice a 15 year old on relationships when I myself haven't been able to sustain one successfully. To Ayaan however- I did tell him that the only break he should be taking is a lunch break. We all laughed and called it a night. 

As I went to sleep that night, I wondered if we all, irrespective of how old we were, were just chasing the happiness and comfort that love could bring into our worlds. I know I am- are you chasing the same as well?

Thursday, 18 October 2018

Feelings 101

It was one of those regular Mondays- the ones that give you the blues. I struggled to wake up early morning and then finally made it to the shower. As I did my makeup, and put on my dress- my mind constantly thought about how difficult is it for me as a person to be able to express my feelings. While driving to work, my mind strived so hard to find words to match my thoughts and feelings so I could someday, one day- maybe convey to this guy I like- what I really felt about him.



Lost in thoughts, and still trying to find words- my mind drifted when my friend Misha called. She called to tell me, that after all this while of being on and off with her guy Sahil- she had finally realised that she was in love with him. While that was a good realisation for her- she complained she had two major issues at hand. One, she didn't know what to say to him- and as per her, he should already know by her actions. Second? She didn't know how to make him fall in love with her.

It's not that I didn't want to help Misha out- but it had more to do with her knocking on the wrong door. How could someone like me, who's struggling to define their own feelings be a guide for someone with the same problem? And an advanced level one at that.. But in a classic case of the blind leading the blind, I decided to advice Misha and asked her to text him about it. She obviously disagreed and said she didn't need to- because Sahil is already supposed to know. Although, don't we all know that men don't really take hints or read between the lines?

As days passed, Misha- in more than a few words told Sahil about how much she loved him and couldn't stay without him- only to be shot down and asked to 'chill' in return. While that obviously made her feel like a total loser, and gave me yet another golden opportunity to further emphasise and give the 'gyaan' on self-love, being strong and moving on; it also made me more paranoid about my own feelings. It made me question, what if I would be shot down too, and asked to 'chill'? Though in my mind I knew that Misha and I were in a very very different place in life, in our respective relationships and in our heads too- and I didn't anyway want to blurt out an "I love you"- I think; but at the end, I realised, sharing one's feelings always makes one so vulnerable right?



Trying to decipher my own feelings while consoling Misha on Friday that week- I realised it wasn't the sharing her feelings bit that caused an issue for her- it was the fact that she was shot down and her feelings weren't reciprocated. This brought us back to her second issue that we discussed on Monday- She wanted to make Sahil fall for her- but she just didn't know how. What i told Misha that day, is what I firmly believe in- I once read somewhere, that "A man knows who his heart belongs to. You can cook his food in diamond oil and do backflips on his d*** but if it isn't you, it isn't."- and that's just how it is. The truth is you can't make someone fall in love with you, and even if you could- wouldn't it be so fake and defeat the entire purpose? I've seen women bend over backwards to please and satisfy men who don't want them- and in the process they end up hurt and broken and then they blame these men. Ladies, I can't emphasise enough on the importance of self-love; so instead of giving your love to some undeserving man who asks you to 'chill'- you should rather focus on loving your self- buy yourself that dress, watch that movie you've been wanting to and eat at your favourite restaurant. Focus on your career or find yourself a new hobby- but at all costs stop focusing on making men like Sahil fall for you- because that's not going to bring you any happiness.



So while Misha is trying to get over Sahil as I write this on a Sunday night- I know that all of you women out there will take a cue from this and not waste your time and energy in making men fall for you even after they've explicitly made it clear that they don't want you. Letting go is certainly the key to moving on from relationships that no longer give you happiness or make you feel like crap. Me here? I did take a week but I did find words for my feelings- not good or clear ones- but i did. I ended up saying- " I like you more than I like you." Go figure. It did sound pretty self explanatory in my head though- but he laughed it off and he didn't get it. Honestly, I didn't get it too. But, what works in my favour? It's a better response than being asked to 'chill', and he didn't really say he doesn't want me. So I'm alright- and I'm hoping me and Misha will survive the coming week too!


Monday, 1 October 2018

The Bad Boy Allure

Sipping on my usual Green tea Lemonade at Starbucks, waiting for Dhruv to show up- I started to scroll through Instagram. It was a quiet evening and there weren't many people lining up for their coffee. As my Instagram feed started to lose it's charm, I kept the phone aside and started to eves-drop on the conversation going on between two people who seemed friends at the table next to mine.



The woman seemed very nice in the way she spoke, though she did come across as slightly self-absorbed. Constantly playing with her own hair, and accompanying her words with hand-gestures; she made no bones about the fact that the last guy she was dating was just not her type because he was a pushover. Made me realise, how much I could relate to her- on all levels.

Not so long ago, I met a guy on an arranged-marriage date. Let's call him "Nice Guy". Having spoken to him over phone and texts for a few weeks before our date, I had an idea about the kind of person he was. He was definitely not very outdoorsy as opposed to me- but we did have a lot in common. Nice Guy and me always put family first; we both had similar tastes in music; we both liked the same kind of movies and we both shopped at the same places. And as his name suggests, he seemed real nice- the kind you'd want to be fathering your children. And hence, without putting in much thought I decided to meet with him. Of course, he checked the basic boxes on the check list- so he could speak well, make a conversation, was polite and his jokes made me laugh.



On meeting him, I realised he was nicer than I thought he was. He came over to the place I chose- he ordered the drink I picked- he opened the door for me- he thanked the barista- he offered to pay (though he didn't)- he held the chair for me and much much more. I sat through the date wondering how he was the answer to all the "Chivalry is dead" memes. But as our conversation progressed, I realised it wasn't chivalry I witnessed that day- it's just how his personality was. He followed a strict 11pm deadline because his parents told him to. He gleefully accepted agreeing to anything anyone ever tells him because he never argued. He also told me about some issues he's facing at work, but how he never would take it up with anyone because he deals with what comes his way and makes the most of it. "Oh my god, he's such a pushover" - I thought, right before I made up my mind to reject him.



As I snapped back into the present moment at Starbucks, with Dhruv calling my phone to tell me he was running late- I realised I was just like the woman on the next table. And I started to wonder how many more women are out there- who are just like the two of us. For me, I've realised, I can't be with someone too nice. Chivalry and all aside, I'm certain I don't want a "Good Boy" who is a pushover and doesn't strongly put his foot down for what he believes in. I'm also pretty sure I don't want someone who was a weak personality that's not manly enough.

Last year, I spent some time with Mr. Maggi (the one who fell in love in 2 minutes). Everything else aside, what I really liked about him, and that was perhaps the only thing I liked- was when I told him that I was scared to go to some place, and he immediately asked me if I felt he wasn't man enough to protect me. Now I know feminism and all that, and I also know I'm no damsel in distress that needs to be protected or looked after- but just hearing those words was such a turn on.



But yes, meeting Nice Guy was a great learning. I now know I don't want someone that nice. I probably want a Bad Guy, who'd be good just for me. Someone who holds the door for me, but can also kick ass for me. Someone who brings me peonies, but would never allow for someone to mistreat me. Someone who'd have his own set of opinions and beliefs and stick to them in social situations. I may not be a damsel in distress but I do need some saving from the cruel world-  What kind of guys do you like?

Thursday, 13 September 2018

Why not me?

As a woman, you tend to get very accustomed to getting showered with compliments. It's always about how you look, how you carry yourself, how well you dress or how your hair looks fabulous. But no one ever really gives more genuine, or deeper compliments that touch the heart. They never tell you how strength translates to happiness and it reflects in your smile. They also never compliment you to tell you how gracefully you're ageing or how your warmth and kindness touches hearts and lives, whereas they should. But lucky for me, I'm surrounded by people who compliment me all the time- on all aspects. But like for everyone else, there are a very few compliments that have stuck with me- 3, to be precise.

The first one, was by my all time BFF Aryan. He once observed me in my natural habitat (when no one was around)- and he kept on looking at me for a while- and then said- "For anyone who knows you, the hardest thing to do for them in this world, is to not fall in love with you." That did make me blush- for real.



The second one, was slightly superficial, but I guess the women will relate to me on this one. My brother, once, when I had no makeup on (just a bit of concealer- gotta hide 'em dark circles), walked towards me, observed my face for a bit and said- "What have you done to your eyebrows? They look so made up, so perfect, like you've stuck them on." Every woman will understand how that's the best compliment ever.



The third one, was when a colleague who's also a really good friend, asked me what school I went to. On inquiring why he wanted to know, he said he'd be sending his children to the very same school because he'd want them to be just like me. Needless to say, I was flattered. But he's not the only one, who's expressed a desire to have a clone of me.

A few weeks back, a friend got married, and said his wife is amazing 'just like me'. Made me wonder, why everyone says I'm easy to fall for, yet no one falls for me; why everyone wants someone like me, but just not me. I couldn't help but think- "Why not me?" In the interest of self awareness, I decided to do a little self introspection and realised it's probably because of a lot of reasons.



Firstly, let's face it, I'm hard to please and no man wants to put in that amount of effort. My idea of a perfect romance would definitely involve receiving flowers at work, being taken on surprise dates and short getaways, being over pampered with cute little presents and of course being flirted with generously- and to be honest, no man, wants to invest the time, effort and energy to chase a woman that's not easily impressed without knowing if she'll be worth it.



Secondly, I have my flaws. When men say they want someone like me, they are usually pointing out to my positives. They mean they want a smart woman, that dresses well, knows what she speaks, can cook them a meal, earn for herself and travel the world with them. They probably don't mean they want someone who can get overprotective, can over pamper them in the vaguest ways possible, has trust issues or can act like a stuck up superficial bitch in social situations.

Lastly, most of the men, at least the ones that I've had the pleasure to be recently acquainted with, find me intimidating. Maybe that's just how my vibe is.



So well, while everyone wants someone like me, the truth of the matter is that they don't. They like the idea of me. They like the fact that I'm someone they could love, but don't want to. But I guess I'm gonna stop wondering about it- and put a rest to all these ideas in my head- for I'm certain, the right man will not be intimidated, and would want to put in the time and effort because he'd realise I'm worth it. And my flaws? Well, aren't they a part of the deal? They make me who I am! And I did read somewhere- "Your flaws are perfect to the heart that loves you". So here's hoping, someday, someone would want me, and not just someone like me. And here's wishing the same for you!


Tuesday, 21 August 2018

Laws of Attraction


Moving back to the city I call home has been mighty hectic - considering most of my time gets eaten up by driving to work and back. The perks though? The fam’s happy, I’m losing weight, my social life is back on track—and not a single thought has been given to the conveniently absent man in my life.

Although, while I say I haven’t given much of a thought to the missing man in my life- I have been giving a lot of thoughts to the arranged marriage proposals that my parents bring me- and it has been quite a ride. From people with funny car stickers to people with unexplained fetishes- seems to me like I’ve seen too much too soon. Yet in all this chaos, I recently found out about someone who I’ve known for a bit- and how they’ve been attracted to me.

This guy- Let’s call him Mr. Delhi (since he’s so typically Delhi). Even though I haven’t known him for very long, from what I’ve heard and observed- he’s quite a Casanova, he’s laidback, immature, flirtatious, yet so much fun to be with- which is why I guess we clicked so well as friends. But being friends aside, I never in my wildest dreams, imagined him having the minutest of attraction towards me- because I’m just completely different from how he is and he’s not my type either to be honest.



I kept wondering where had that attraction come from? Was it because I’ve always been nice to him? Was it because I have an over-friendly vibe? Or was it because let’s face it I’m that easy to fall for? Whatever it was that led to the attraction- I just couldn’t put a finger on it. And that made me realize that while we talk about the laws of attraction all the time- the harsh truth is- there are none. If you’re attracted to someone or develop a liking towards someone- it’s purely coincidental that they happen to have the sun sign you thought you’d be compatible with, or they like the same things as you do, or if their song is your favorite as well. Attraction has no laws and it’s purely random.

Come to think of it though, Mr. Delhi is so different from me- he’s down to earth and I have an air of superiority around me; he’s a chai drinker and I stick to green tea; he’s super accommodating and I’m the stuck-up bitch who’s never willing to adjust. Let’s just say we’re poles apart- and while I know they say opposites attract- in this case, I just didn’t see it coming.



I want to blame everything on the alcohol causing a lapse in our judgements- we should’ve known better. But the truth is, being tipsy doesn’t make you do things you don’t want to do- it only makes you do things you don’t have the courage to do when sober- so yes, I’ve concluded that the attraction had probably always been there- even if subconsciously so. But as for laws, and patterns- this is beyond those.

So don’t keep going in loops, break the pattern, don’t curb your wants and listen to your heart- and see where it leads you- don’t stereotype and think that you’re only allowed to be attracted to a certain kind of person- because attraction has no laws- and what doesn’t exist can’t bind you. And I hope to break free too- but while I say that, I don’t intend to pursue Mr. Delhi because some men are better off as friends, or lesser. I anyway had a spot empty in the ‘Friendzone’!



Wednesday, 6 June 2018

Worst Date Ever!

Ever had a date that you wanted to undo? Go back in time and cancel it? I know I did! And when I checked with the girls, they had had similar experiences too.

Well, it was just another usual Saturday night, when I decided to host this guy over for dinner. He looked alright, was an established restauranteur and was polite to talk to- I figured, what's not to like? So I decided to give him a chance! I was hoping it'd be an intimate evening involving wine and great conversations but destiny probably had it otherwise- because like all my anecdotes have plot twists; this one wasn't spared either- the man was reeking even from 5 minutes away from my place!



When he entered through the front door, my first instinct was to open all windows. Mr. Stinky Pants, however, completely oblivious to his very obvious stench, decided to take off his shoes, and his socks- wipe his feet using those socks and then use the same hand to wipe off the sweat off his face- all within a span of a few minutes. I have never, ever in my life felt more icky just by looking at someone. Forgive me for making it sound like a total nightmare- but well it was! The malodour had me in shambles.

While the man tried to make conversation and I battled the urge to ask him to wash his hands- I realised I couldn't hear anything he said over the sound of his stinking breath. As time progressed, I moved more and more away and then I finally blurted out - "Please wash your hands". It was pretty out of the blue for him and definitely not very subtle- but as he stood up to go wash his hands- I breathed a sigh of relief! But probably I thought too soon- because on his way to wash hands- he stopped by at the refrigerator, open a bottle of water with the very same dirty hands and sucked on it while I watched in horror.



I couldn't take it anymore, and I knew that it was time to fake a work emergency and leave so he'll have to leave too. And so I did. But what I didn't probably see coming, and what in all certainty was the worst part of the date, was when he asked if he could kiss me right before he left. It was in that moment I thought of all excuses ranging from "I'm a lesbian" to "I am allergic to kisses!" - yet I settled for an eye roll and a standard look of disbelief- for I genuinely was appalled at the audacity and overly-optimistic attitude that Mr. Stinky Pants displayed.



So well, that's how my worst date ended! And here's an advice to all the men out there- please don't underestimate the importance of hygiene! And to women like me, who've suffered- may life bring along better men and give us the strength and patience to deal with the kinds I've described above. What has your worst date experience been like?

Saturday, 24 March 2018

Of Pain, Strength and Happiness!

Like any other sane woman, I too, look at myself as a multi-tasker. So, last evening, I decided to sip on some red wine- something to go along with the final episode of "The Mindy project" that I was watching- while responding to work e-mails and eating fox-nuts. And normally, it would've all gone fine- but the BFF pinged, the phone vibrated, the MacBook turned a certain angle, touched the wine glass, which lost balance and fell on the floor!



Now I'm a careful woman- and I got up from the couch with extreme caution- and I wiped clean the last of the glass bits that I saw. Though I have to admit- I was a little sad to lose one of the wine glasses but I had this feeling of accomplishment that I cleaned it all- and without it causing me any damage. But I guess I thought that too soon.

As I started to sit back on the couch, a big piece of glass immersed in my left leg- and I honestly hadn't anticipated that there would still be glass- and that too on the couch. Before tears could fill up my eyes, I decided to take matters into my own hands (only option at that moment) and remove that piece of glass from my leg- and I did. Did it hurt? More than I could have imagined. Did it bleed? Non-stop for 15 minutes. Did I do the right thing?- Debatable. But there was one thing I knew for sure- I had become stronger. My tolerance for pain and my patience in dealing with it had increased.

What happened later in the evening or the gibberish that the doctor uttered is irrelevant. What's important is that I dealt with it, and without a single tear rolling down my cheek. Sure, I made a big deal of it, and told the fam and friends- but I still dealt with it, all by myself. I know it may not sound like a big deal, for either of you. Yet it was for me. Because all of us, as people, are afraid of certain things in life. What have I always feared? Pain- physical and emotional. But have I suffered pain? Yes- emotional probably more than physical. But was I able to endure it up until now? Probably not. So this day felt to me like facing my fears and possibly overcoming them with all the strength I could muster.



They say "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only option you have"! And they're right! Because that day, I didn't cry because I knew there's no one to wipe my tears. I didn't throw a fit and took the glass out with my own bare hands, because I knew no one else would do it for me. And lastly yet most importantly, I patiently endured the pain, because I knew nothing would lessen it or make it go away at the moment. It was that day that I realised that the most important bit of dealing with any kind of circumstances in life is to first accept them.

We are always so busy fighting the circumstances, that we lose our strength- instead we should be more accepting of the current circumstances and saving our strengths to work towards a better future. Another important lesson I'd like you to take from here is that, sometimes the people who hurt us are the ones we never thought would- so more often than not- we don't see the wound, the pain coming and we sure as hell don't anticipate the damage. What's the best thing to do in such cases? Accept it and move on.



And from what I can tell you, the pain doesn't really go away soon, but it gets better- a little with each passing day. Like new skin grows over the wound and replaces the dead one, and it starts to heal- same way new people come into our lives, bring love and our life begins to heal. But you gotta give it time, you gotta be patient, and most importantly you gotta be accepting of the situation. And I assure you, one day, you'd just wake up, and even though the scar might be there- it just wouldn't hurt anymore, the pain would've gone- and you'll be at peace, and you'll be happy- and at the end of the day- "Happiness is all that matters"!


Thursday, 8 March 2018

Forgotten?

In the past 3 weeks, I have done everything I possibly could to forget the past, erase it and move on. I constantly reminded myself of the fact that I've gotten through worse and survived so come what may- I can deal with it- and yes I can.

Chanting to myself- "He's just another guy!"- I started to think of ways to forget him and successfully move on in life. Advice from friends poured in! From hurling abuses, to going on a yoga retreat; from getting under someone to get over him to adopting celibacy; and from having a rebound to swearing off men- I had honestly heard it all- when I came up with a plan of my own.

The first step involved convincing myself that he was in fact, just another guy- and no one special. The second step involved burying myself into work. And the third one? Taking a solo vacation.

To be honest, the first step was pretty easy. Wiping the tears off, I had indeed convinced myself that he was just another guy, and many like him have come and gone and will come and go. I did realise that there are at least 278939 men out there who are way better than him in every sense and would have a genuine interest in me.

Step two? Work is always a good idea. I took up an additional project and I found myself thinking less about what went down and more about work. 'Mission accomplished'- I thought to myself!

Third step was the most fun to be honest. Travelling alone, meeting new people, visiting new places- that kinda did the trick for me (or so I thought)! As I sat at the beach, and the waves touched my feet and went right back to the sea- I realised that's where my happiness was- in the waves- and in the waves of change, like they say, i found my direction.

It was then that I realised, that forgetting someone isn't an option; mainly because it's not possible. Once someone has been a part of your life, they will always continue to be a part of your life- as a part of your past maybe; as a part of your memories perhaps- but they will always be a part of it. Since you can't go back in time, and erase the past, you can't really 'forget' someone. And why do we even have to forget someone? just because the memories hurt? But would we really be ourselves if we got rid of our memories? A clean slate is nice, but then what would make me 'me'?

It was then that I understood that there was a major flaw in my 3 step plan- I had never accepted that I wanted to close the doors to the past and move on- I was to just get rid of it- to just forget it like a nightmare. But the truth is, it wasn't a nightmare- I had lived it- it was the truth and not a fragment of my imagination- which is what made it hard, and impossible to forget it.

The point is that we're all only human- we love, we lose, we deal with heartbreaks, at times people do treat us badly and at times we do lose patience to deal with it all. And it's okay to feel like we want to shut ourselves down, and to actually not want to feel anything it all. But what we often forget is, that it's these feelings that make us human. It's these feelings that make us believe in love and keep the hope that one day "love can heal our brokenness"!

And the silver lining in dealing with all the bad times?- I've learnt from my experiences. They make me what i am today. I would not change a thing because what if I'm exactly in alignment with the plan of the universe? And I do believe in "Whatever happens, happens for good!"- and that's why I'm going to stay positive, no matter what. For my solo trip did teach me- there's  lot I haven't seen yet, a lot I haven't felt, a lot I haven't experienced yet and I do have a long way to go. There's so much more to my life than to mourn the loss of a man who clearly doesn't deserve a single tear shed in his name. And as C.W. Lewis said- "There are far, far better things ahead, than the ones we leave behind!"

So here's hoping, the future is as sparkly and glittery as my sequin dress! And here's hoping we all get some days by the beach- because while I still haven't forgotten the past, the waves did successfully wash my feelings away! Forgotten? Not at all. Moved on? Definitely yes!

Thursday, 22 February 2018

No more Mr. Right!

Like any other millennial woman in her 20s, I religiously scroll through my Instagram before I call it a night- let's just call it my form of a night-cap. But while innocently scrolling through Instagram that night, I definitely didn't anticipate to bump into Mr. Right's engagement picture, which wasn't posted by him although- just to be fair. But obviously that led me to stalk a little more- and long story short- I realised he was getting engaged, but that wasn't the end of it. He was, in fact, also having some sort of 'whirlwind romance' to put it politely- with another woman that he had met on a vacation way back when we had just started out.

All of this was very surprising to me, yet an inner voice said- "I told you so" and I started to think back in time when I probably should've read the signs that I missed. I barely got through the night, and of course, there wasn't any sleep that I got- my night cap had failed me, and miserably at that. When the birds stated chirruping and the sun showed up, I decided it was time to ask Mr. Right and clear things for once and for all- and I'm glad I took that decision.

When I asked him if he was getting married, without actually talking about the picture- he responded with a 'maybe'. And we all know what 'maybe' means in such scenarios. 'Maybe' means yes, but I'd also like to keep you. 'Maybe' means yes but I won't admit it.  'Maybe' means yes, but oh my god, how did you find out.

All that aside, he asked me about why I asked that question out of the blue and I blamed it on him being distant, which by the way, was another sign that I missed, or rather chose to ignore. The conversation went on for over an hour with him changing his statements and getting caught in his own web of lies. I started to wonder if he has always been this guy who lies, manipulates, is secretive and overly private. I also started to wonder about who the other woman is, or rather, who the 'other women' are.

But as the plot thickened and things got unravelled, I found out that all this while, he's always been with someone- for the past many years and he was probably with her when he started things off with me, and that's the woman in the picture! Having said that, he still has a thing going on with another woman that he met on one of his vacations. And the icing on the cake was, when he claimed he had no idea about me being so involved, or having any expectations. Obviously, I gave him a piece of my mind- but that didn't help- because that day it wasn't just my heart that broke, it was my hope too.

In spite of all of this, I wished him luck, and suggested him to at least now, break things off with other women he's involved with aside of the one he's getting engaged to- but obviously I couldn't be expecting him to do the right thing.

Whilst all this went down, I couldn't stop crying. I also couldn't get myself to come to terms with what just happened. Even though I don't honestly have any spite for him, it just pains me to know how someone could be capable of hurting hearts like that and still not even be one percent guilty. How do people like this look in the mirror everyday? How do people like this face themselves? How do such people think that they can get by in life without even being apologetic about the damage they do? And if this is how people are, and this is how they get by, then I sure deserve an award for being the best human being possible.

All of that aside, this entire incident and the months that led up to it, in which I sure ignored the signs, blinded by love- taught me that you don't constantly have to chase a man that wants you- and he won't ever give you mixed signals or keep you up at night feeling anxious or second guessing yourself or your relationship. If someone is sure about you, you will feel secure in the relationship, no matter how far apart you are physically.

Another major lesson? Having great online stalking skills does pay off. Imagine if I hadn't found all this out, and confronted him- i would still be trapped in a nameless, directionless, loveless relationship of sorts and would still continue to pass on all the other wonderful men out there- one of whom actually might be 'the one'! So I like to think of all of this as a blessing!

And from now on, I'm surely not looking for Mr. Right anymore. Mr. Right is probably a myth and that's an idea that probably got rooted in my mind after watching one too many movies. From now on, it's all about Mr. Treats me Right! And while I say that, I think I need a break from men altogether for a bit. Another vacation on the cards maybe?

Monday, 12 February 2018

Valentine's Day Chronicles!

Yes, Yes, Yes - I know and remember I have to share some more Thailand stories; but well the timing is such that there's nostalgia in the air, and Valentine's Day? Just round the corner.

My earliest memory of an eventful valentines day dates back to 2009- I was in love with my best friend at the time, and blacked out because of drinking too much, To this day, I don't remember the events that went down that day.

2010- Happily attached to my long distance boyfriend, it was a mundane day, just with an extra dose of mush.

2011? Late evening pizza date with bae! And a beautiful ring for a present! Couldn't have asked for anything more.

2012 Valentine's Day I was sick and in bed. Maybe for the best that is.

Come 2013, and it was my first Valentine's dealing with a fresh heartbreak. And honestly, if there's any Valentine's that I'll remember for life- it's this one. Me and a friend decided to sit and drink from dawn till dusk; except she got drunk sooner and me being the mom I am ended up looking after her while she decided to indulge in a very public make out sesh- all while I was dealing with a stalker who 'loved my skin' and got me chocolates every 3 minutes. I still look back to that day and my heart fills with gratitude for Kabir who came in like Superman and saved the day!

2014? Nothing special. It was one of those years when I really enjoyed being single!

2015 had me craving attachment- to shoes, bags and wonderful pieces of clothing. So I spent my Valentine's day shopping with the girls.

For 2016's Valentine's Day, me and the friends decided to plan a short getaway- to get away from the smell of roses, everything pink and overpriced chocolates.

And when came 2017, we decided to have a singles only party. Me and the girl gang did have hopes of finding someone special there- of course- considering the only guy I did like that time- responded to my Valentine's Day wish with 'cool'. Each alphabet in 'Cool' pierced through my heart.

All in all, if I look back, I don't think anything can outdo or replace the adventures of Valentine's 2013! But over the years I've realised that Valentine's is just like any other day- if you're single or happily committed. Because someone who loves you wouldn't treat you differently just because the calendar has a different date drawn up- and if you're single- isn't it just another day at work?

Also, the past 10 years have been full of good, bad, and sometimes unworthy V-Days. Makes me wonder how life changes. I've literally gone from being in love with the best friend, to dating Mr. Wrong and to falling for the guy who responds with a 'cool'. So point being, if you have a sucky day this 14th feb, stay optimistic- I hope your Mr. Right/ Ms. Right responds with something that's better than 'cool'.

Honestly however, I don't get all the fuss around V-Day. Maybe I'm getting old, or maybe this is what they call maturing aka not falling prey to the marketing gimmicks that these days are. In my opinion, if you're attached or you fancy someone, do wish them- but that's that! Don't opt for extravagant gestures, or fancy presents- save them for birthdays, anniversaries or proposals.

Me here? If Mr. Right so much as wishes me on Valentine's- I'll be a happy girl! If he doesn't? Well then, I will. And hopefully, the response will not be 'cool'. But from hereon, Valentine's day, for me,will be just another day- business as usual- no expectations, no drama, no overrated and exaggerated presents. But guess I'll still keep the tradition of wearing pink or red going- because who doesn't love to play dress up?