Wednesday, 6 June 2018

Worst Date Ever!

Ever had a date that you wanted to undo? Go back in time and cancel it? I know I did! And when I checked with the girls, they had had similar experiences too.

Well, it was just another usual Saturday night, when I decided to host this guy over for dinner. He looked alright, was an established restauranteur and was polite to talk to- I figured, what's not to like? So I decided to give him a chance! I was hoping it'd be an intimate evening involving wine and great conversations but destiny probably had it otherwise- because like all my anecdotes have plot twists; this one wasn't spared either- the man was reeking even from 5 minutes away from my place!

When he entered through the front door, my first instinct was to open all windows. Mr. Stinky Pants, however, completely oblivious to his very obvious stench, decided to take off his shoes, and his socks- wipe his feet using those socks and then use the same hand to wipe off the sweat off his face- all within a span of a few minutes. I have never, ever in my life felt more icky just by looking at someone. Forgive me for making it sound like a total nightmare- but well it was! The malodour had me in shambles.

While the man tried to make conversation and I battled the urge to ask him to wash his hands- I realised I couldn't hear anything he said over the sound of his stinking breath. As time progressed, I moved more and more away and then I finally blurted out - "Please wash your hands". It was pretty out of the blue for him and definitely not very subtle- but as he stood up to go wash his hands- I breathed a sigh of relief! But probably I thought too soon- because on his way to wash hands- he stopped by at the refrigerator, open a bottle of water with the very same dirty hands and sucked on it while I watched in horror.

I couldn't take it anymore, and I knew that it was time to fake a work emergency and leave so he'll have to leave too. And so I did. But what I didn't probably see coming, and what in all certainty was the worst part of the date, was when he asked if he could kiss me right before he left. It was in that moment I thought of all excuses ranging from "I'm a lesbian" to "I am allergic to kisses!" - yet I settled for an eye roll and a standard look of disbelief- for I genuinely was appalled at the audacity and overly-optimistic attitude that Mr. Stinky Pants displayed.

So well, that's how my worst date ended! And here's an advice to all the men out there- please don't underestimate the importance of hygiene! And to women like me, who've suffered- may life bring along better men and give us the strength and patience to deal with the kinds I've described above. What has your worst date experience been like?

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