Thursday, 8 March 2018

Forgotten?

In the past 3 weeks, I have done everything I possibly could to forget the past, erase it and move on. I constantly reminded myself of the fact that I've gotten through worse and survived so come what may- I can deal with it- and yes I can.

Chanting to myself- "He's just another guy!"- I started to think of ways to forget him and successfully move on in life. Advice from friends poured in! From hurling abuses, to going on a yoga retreat; from getting under someone to get over him to adopting celibacy; and from having a rebound to swearing off men- I had honestly heard it all- when I cam up with a plan of my own.

The first step involved convincing myself that he was in fact, just another guy- and no one special. The second step involved burying myself into work. And the third one? Taking a solo vacation.

To be honest, the first step was pretty easy. Wiping the tears off, I had indeed convinced myself that he was just another guy, and many like him have come and gone and will come and go. I did realise that there are at least 278939 men out there who are way better than him in every sense and would have a genuine interest in me.

Step two? Work is always a good idea. I took up an additional project and I found myself thinking less about what went down and more about work. 'Mission accomplished'- I thought to myself!

Third step was the most fun to be honest. Travelling alone, meeting new people, visiting new places- that kinda did the trick for me (or so I thought)! As I sat at the beach, and the waves touched my feet and went right back to the sea- I realised that's where my happiness was- in the waves- and in the waves of change, like they say, i found my direction.

It was then that I realised, that forgetting someone isn't an option; mainly because it's not possible. Once someone has been a part of your life, they will always continue to be a part of your life- as a part of your past maybe; as a part of your memories perhaps- but they will always be a part of it. Since you can't go back in time, and erase the past, you can't really 'forget' someone. And why do we even have to forget someone? just because the memories hurt? But would we really be ourselves if we got rid of our memories? A clean slate is nice, but then what would make me 'me'?

It was then that I understood that there was a major flaw in my 3 step plan- I had never accepted that I wanted to close the doors to the past and move on- I was to just get rid of it- to just forget it like a nightmare. But the truth is, it wasn't a nightmare- I had lived it- it was the truth and not a fragment of my imagination- which is what made it hard, and impossible to forget it.

The point is that we're all only human- we love, we lose, we deal with heartbreaks, at times people do treat us badly and at times we do lose patience to deal with it all. And it's okay to feel like we want to shut ourselves down, and to actually not want to feel anything it all. But what we often forget is, that it's these feelings that make us human. It's these feelings that make us believe in love and keep the hope that one day "love can heal our brokenness"!

And the silver lining in dealing with all the bad times?- I've learnt from my experiences. They make me what i am today. I would not change a thing because what if I'm exactly in alignment with the plan of the universe? And I do believe in "Whatever happens, happens for good!"- and that's why I'm going to stay positive, no matter what. For my solo trip did teach me- there's  lot I haven't seen yet, a lot I haven't felt, a lot I haven't experienced yet and I do have a long way to go. There's so much more to my life than to mourn the loss of a man who clearly doesn't deserve a single tear shed in his name. And as C.W. Lewis said- "There are far, far better things ahead, than the ones we leave behind!"

So here's hoping, the future is as sparkly and glittery as my sequin dress! And here's hoping we all get some days by the beach- because while I still haven't forgotten the past, the waves did successfully wash my feelings away! Forgotten? Not at all. Moved on? Definitely yes!

No comments:

Post a Comment