Sunday, 23 July 2017

Of Life, and Deadlines

Inspiration- My Girlfriends :)

The best part about family dinners? Food. The worst? Relatives.

At one such family dinner, while I was gorging on my absolute favorite cheesecake for dessert; and thanking god for helping me get through the night and reaffirming my belief in him- one of my uncles, for some reason, thought it was appropriate to yet again bring up the subject of marriage. My cheesecake, suddenly seemed to have lost all its sweetness and flavor.

Sometimes I wonder how, and why, as a society, we're so obsessed with the idea of "A happy married life"! I wonder, if that's all people want? Is it everything? Is it the natural progression in life? Like a thing you have to cross off your to-do list? And if yes, then why?

We all set personal goals. Mine usually revolve around vacationing or something new that I'd like to learn. But there are people, some friends of mine too, whose lives revolve around the idea of the perfect marriage. Their personal goals? Study, work, get married, have kids! But if they scout for answers deep within their own self; I wish to know if that's what they really want? And if yes, is that 'all' that they really want? Is the idea of a "Happily Ever After" so appealing that we're just following the herd and not focusing on what we really want or how we really want to live? Or is it that we have been conditioned to believe so and because of that we're unable to think straight and focus on our real wants?

Talking to a dear friend Suman the other night, I realized we all are in the same boat. We all, marriage obsessed or not, want the same thing. Men, women- single, married, dating or just sleeping around; irrespective of their relationship status tags, and most certainly irrespective of their age and social status- deep within, all of us, are looking for someone to fill the emptiness in our hearts. Someone to call our own, someone to love, someone to be loved by, someone who we can belong to, someone to effortlessly hang out with, someone we can be completely ourselves around and someone who can fix us!

Some of us seem to think marriages help us find that 'someone'! We think that marriages lead to love. So we give that a try! Works at times, and doesn't at times- but hey, at least we try! Then there's another set of us- we know we're not emotionally available, so we 'keep it casual' and keep hooking up with different people until we find that someone who can fix us. And then there's a small group of us- who look for that 'someone' in every person we meet, only to be disappointed over and over again- yet we never give up. We have faith, so we wait, patiently, while the society mocks us and asks us to quickly find someone and get married. If only, it was so easy.

I feel, as millennials, no matter which of the above categories we belong to, we lead very comfortable lives in general. We portray ourselves to be strong, happy, content and in a very comfortable and fun space. And sooner than later, in the process of convincing others about how amazing and fun and comfortable our lifestyles are, we start believing the same too. We don't feel like we're missing something or there's a need for 'someone' in our lives. But the truth is, there is. And what we do crave right now, is a little discomfort.

The discomfort that stems from someone checking up on you- if you got home safe, if you remembered to take your medicines, if you got that promotion at work. The discomfort that stems from making time to catch up, putting in efforts to be liked by someone's friends and family. The discomfort that comes from putting together the ingredients for that one home cooked meal. Whether or not you realize it, that is the discomfort you crave. The discomfort that comes from companionship. Life isn't meant to be lived alone- that's true- and I guess deep inside we all know it.

However, being pro-companionship doesn't mean I'm pro 'forced marriages with deadlines'. Having said that, to each their own. But in my personal opinion, don't get married because you have to, or because you've reached a certain age, or your cousins and friends are getting married or because your biological clock is ticking. Get married only, if and when, you find that person who you're willing to take up discomfort for.

Maybe we need to change our mindsets, and be honest about what we're looking for. And that's love and companionship, and not Marriage essentially. Once you find love, marriage can come after- if you like. So go out, date, or don't date, approach people you like or meet your perfect match the arranged marriage way- but just don't settle because someone told you- "you should have been married by now"! Me here? I'm just gonna wait for Mr. Right; who seems like he's coming around 'sooner'!

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