Lying on my bed feeling miserable, for the 6th consecutive day, I started to wonder why I wasn’t able to shake off the flu. One thought led to another, and I began to think about everything that was going wrong in my life- I was losing friends (some of them, I don’t even think I should refer to as friends anymore); I was having troubles at work; I was not able to focus on writing; the guy I liked wouldn’t text me back; financial issues cropped up out of nowhere and to top it all I was extremely ill and had no energy whatsoever to even get out of the bed. These do sound like first world problems- but they were problems nevertheless.
I tried to deduce a pattern; and it wasn’t long before I arrived at the conclusion that all my problems would be fixed once things went back to normal between me and Kabir. Me and Kabir have a tendency to blow up the tiniest of problems, mix them up with our super inflated egos and just stop talking to each other till one of us tries to fix things! And it is my sincere belief, that every single time Me and Kabir stop talking to each other or fight about another one of our trivial issues- my world falls apart; nothing seems to work in my favour and my life basically becomes this big mess that I absolutely can’t deal with.
In a desperate attempt to get my shit together and ‘fix things’ that night, I texted Kabir telling him I missed him. But what good has ever come out of midnight texts and desperate attempts? Needless to say, Kabir was rather unflustered and didn’t think it was necessary to reply.
What did I do next? I decided to fix my own self and stop my world from crumbling down around me. I decided to take matters into my own hands and not depend on someone else to ‘fix me’.In another week, I started to feel better physically and I was able to concentrate more on building my life. I didn’t regain the friends I lost because I didn’t want to. Sometimes people hurt you, but letting them go is the best decision you can make. The troubles at work finally came to an end. Work itself actually came to an end; and I got the necessary break I had been craving for. Before I even realised, everything started to fall in place, and fix itself. And what was it that was required from my end? Just a little bit of effort and faith in my own capabilities.
My life may not be the ‘ideal’ life or the one that’s the source of envy for a bunch of people out there. My style of living is not something a lot of you would actually conform with or relate to. But what will be common for you, me and everyone out there is that more often than not, in the past or in the present, we’ve based our happiness on someone else, we’ve given that someone else the power to rule over our emotions or to ‘fix’ us. But that’s wrong! The only person responsible for your happiness is you. Giving another person this responsibility is too much of a burden on them.
So as March sets in, I’m taking charge of my own life and deciding that every time things require fixing in my life, I won’t be thinking of Kabir or anyone else- I’ll take matters into my own hands and fix the shit out of them.
Here’s hoping, that you too remember, that the only person who can ‘Fix You’ is ‘You’!