Sipping on my usual Green tea Lemonade at Starbucks, waiting for Dhruv to show up- I started to scroll through Instagram. It was a quiet evening and there weren't many people lining up for their coffee. As my Instagram feed started to lose it's charm, I kept the phone aside and started to eves-drop on the conversation going on between two people who seemed friends at the table next to mine.
The woman seemed very nice in the way she spoke, though she did come across as slightly self-absorbed. Constantly playing with her own hair, and accompanying her words with hand-gestures; she made no bones about the fact that the last guy she was dating was just not her type because he was a pushover. Made me realise, how much I could relate to her- on all levels.
Not so long ago, I met a guy on an arranged-marriage date. Let's call him "Nice Guy". Having spoken to him over phone and texts for a few weeks before our date, I had an idea about the kind of person he was. He was definitely not very outdoorsy as opposed to me- but we did have a lot in common. Nice Guy and me always put family first; we both had similar tastes in music; we both liked the same kind of movies and we both shopped at the same places. And as his name suggests, he seemed real nice- the kind you'd want to be fathering your children. And hence, without putting in much thought I decided to meet with him. Of course, he checked the basic boxes on the check list- so he could speak well, make a conversation, was polite and his jokes made me laugh.
On meeting him, I realised he was nicer than I thought he was. He came over to the place I chose- he ordered the drink I picked- he opened the door for me- he thanked the barista- he offered to pay (though he didn't)- he held the chair for me and much much more. I sat through the date wondering how he was the answer to all the "Chivalry is dead" memes. But as our conversation progressed, I realised it wasn't chivalry I witnessed that day- it's just how his personality was. He followed a strict 11pm deadline because his parents told him to. He gleefully accepted agreeing to anything anyone ever tells him because he never argued. He also told me about some issues he's facing at work, but how he never would take it up with anyone because he deals with what comes his way and makes the most of it. "Oh my god, he's such a pushover" - I thought, right before I made up my mind to reject him.
As I snapped back into the present moment at Starbucks, with Dhruv calling my phone to tell me he was running late- I realised I was just like the woman on the next table. And I started to wonder how many more women are out there- who are just like the two of us. For me, I've realised, I can't be with someone too nice. Chivalry and all aside, I'm certain I don't want a "Good Boy" who is a pushover and doesn't strongly put his foot down for what he believes in. I'm also pretty sure I don't want someone who was a weak personality that's not manly enough.
Last year, I spent some time with Mr. Maggi (the one who fell in love in 2 minutes). Everything else aside, what I really liked about him, and that was perhaps the only thing I liked- was when I told him that I was scared to go to some place, and he immediately asked me if I felt he wasn't man enough to protect me. Now I know feminism and all that, and I also know I'm no damsel in distress that needs to be protected or looked after- but just hearing those words was such a turn on.
But yes, meeting Nice Guy was a great learning. I now know I don't want someone that nice. I probably want a Bad Guy, who'd be good just for me. Someone who holds the door for me, but can also kick ass for me. Someone who brings me peonies, but would never allow for someone to mistreat me. Someone who'd have his own set of opinions and beliefs and stick to them in social situations. I may not be a damsel in distress but I do need some saving from the cruel world- What kind of guys do you like?
The woman seemed very nice in the way she spoke, though she did come across as slightly self-absorbed. Constantly playing with her own hair, and accompanying her words with hand-gestures; she made no bones about the fact that the last guy she was dating was just not her type because he was a pushover. Made me realise, how much I could relate to her- on all levels.
Not so long ago, I met a guy on an arranged-marriage date. Let's call him "Nice Guy". Having spoken to him over phone and texts for a few weeks before our date, I had an idea about the kind of person he was. He was definitely not very outdoorsy as opposed to me- but we did have a lot in common. Nice Guy and me always put family first; we both had similar tastes in music; we both liked the same kind of movies and we both shopped at the same places. And as his name suggests, he seemed real nice- the kind you'd want to be fathering your children. And hence, without putting in much thought I decided to meet with him. Of course, he checked the basic boxes on the check list- so he could speak well, make a conversation, was polite and his jokes made me laugh.
On meeting him, I realised he was nicer than I thought he was. He came over to the place I chose- he ordered the drink I picked- he opened the door for me- he thanked the barista- he offered to pay (though he didn't)- he held the chair for me and much much more. I sat through the date wondering how he was the answer to all the "Chivalry is dead" memes. But as our conversation progressed, I realised it wasn't chivalry I witnessed that day- it's just how his personality was. He followed a strict 11pm deadline because his parents told him to. He gleefully accepted agreeing to anything anyone ever tells him because he never argued. He also told me about some issues he's facing at work, but how he never would take it up with anyone because he deals with what comes his way and makes the most of it. "Oh my god, he's such a pushover" - I thought, right before I made up my mind to reject him.
As I snapped back into the present moment at Starbucks, with Dhruv calling my phone to tell me he was running late- I realised I was just like the woman on the next table. And I started to wonder how many more women are out there- who are just like the two of us. For me, I've realised, I can't be with someone too nice. Chivalry and all aside, I'm certain I don't want a "Good Boy" who is a pushover and doesn't strongly put his foot down for what he believes in. I'm also pretty sure I don't want someone who was a weak personality that's not manly enough.
Last year, I spent some time with Mr. Maggi (the one who fell in love in 2 minutes). Everything else aside, what I really liked about him, and that was perhaps the only thing I liked- was when I told him that I was scared to go to some place, and he immediately asked me if I felt he wasn't man enough to protect me. Now I know feminism and all that, and I also know I'm no damsel in distress that needs to be protected or looked after- but just hearing those words was such a turn on.
But yes, meeting Nice Guy was a great learning. I now know I don't want someone that nice. I probably want a Bad Guy, who'd be good just for me. Someone who holds the door for me, but can also kick ass for me. Someone who brings me peonies, but would never allow for someone to mistreat me. Someone who'd have his own set of opinions and beliefs and stick to them in social situations. I may not be a damsel in distress but I do need some saving from the cruel world- What kind of guys do you like?
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