Why not me?

As a woman, you tend to get very accustomed to getting showered with compliments. It's always about how you look, how you carry yourself, how well you dress or how your hair looks fabulous. But no one ever really gives more genuine, or deeper compliments that touch the heart. They never tell you how strength translates to happiness and it reflects in your smile. They also never compliment you to tell you how gracefully you're ageing or how your warmth and kindness touches hearts and lives, whereas they should. But lucky for me, I'm surrounded by people who compliment me all the time- on all aspects. But like for everyone else, there are a very few compliments that have stuck with me- 3, to be precise.

The first one, was by my all time BFF Aryan. He once observed me in my natural habitat (when no one was around)- and he kept on looking at me for a while- and then said- "For anyone who knows you, the hardest thing to do for them in this world, is to not fall in love with you." That did make me blush- for real.

The second one, was slightly superficial, but I guess the women will relate to me on this one. My brother, once, when I had no makeup on (just a bit of concealer- gotta hide 'em dark circles), walked towards me, observed my face for a bit and said- "What have you done to your eyebrows? They look so made up, so perfect, like you've stuck them on." Every woman will understand how that's the best compliment ever.

The third one, was when a colleague who's also a really good friend, asked me what school I went to. On inquiring why he wanted to know, he said he'd be sending his children to the very same school because he'd want them to be just like me. Needless to say, I was flattered. But he's not the only one, who's expressed a desire to have a clone of me.

A few weeks back, a friend got married, and said his wife is amazing 'just like me'. Made me wonder, why everyone says I'm easy to fall for, yet no one falls for me; why everyone wants someone like me, but just not me. I couldn't help but think- "Why not me?" In the interest of self awareness, I decided to do a little self introspection and realised it's probably because of a lot of reasons.

Firstly, let's face it, I'm hard to please and no man wants to put in that amount of effort. My idea of a perfect romance would definitely involve receiving flowers at work, being taken on surprise dates and short getaways, being over pampered with cute little presents and of course being flirted with generously- and to be honest, no man, wants to invest the time, effort and energy to chase a woman that's not easily impressed without knowing if she'll be worth it.

Secondly, I have my flaws. When men say they want someone like me, they are usually pointing out to my positives. They mean they want a smart woman, that dresses well, knows what she speaks, can cook them a meal, earn for herself and travel the world with them. They probably don't mean they want someone who can get overprotective, can over pamper them in the vaguest ways possible, has trust issues or can act like a stuck up superficial bitch in social situations.

Lastly, most of the men, at least the ones that I've had the pleasure to be recently acquainted with, find me intimidating. Maybe that's just how my vibe is.

So well, while everyone wants someone like me, the truth of the matter is that they don't. They like the idea of me. They like the fact that I'm someone they could love, but don't want to. But I guess I'm gonna stop wondering about it- and put a rest to all these ideas in my head- for I'm certain, the right man will not be intimidated, and would want to put in the time and effort because he'd realise I'm worth it. And my flaws? Well, aren't they a part of the deal? They make me who I am! And I did read somewhere- "Your flaws are perfect to the heart that loves you". So here's hoping, someday, someone would want me, and not just someone like me. And here's wishing the same for you!

Laws of Attraction

Moving back to the city I call home has been mighty hectic - considering most of my time gets eaten up by driving to work and back. The perks though? The fam’s happy, I’m losing weight, my social life is back on track—and not a single thought has been given to the conveniently absent man in my life.

Although, while I say I haven’t given much of a thought to the missing man in my life- I have been giving a lot of thoughts to the arranged marriage proposals that my parents bring me- and it has been quite a ride. From people with funny car stickers to people with unexplained fetishes- seems to me like I’ve seen too much too soon. Yet in all this chaos, I recently found out about someone who I’ve known for a bit- and how they’ve been attracted to me.

This guy- Let’s call him Mr. Delhi (since he’s so typically Delhi). Even though I haven’t known him for very long, from what I’ve heard and observed- he’s quite a Casanova, he’s laidback, immature, flirtatious, yet so much fun to be with- which is why I guess we clicked so well as friends. But being friends aside, I never in my wildest dreams, imagined him having the minutest of attraction towards me- because I’m just completely different from how he is and he’s not my type either to be honest.

I kept wondering where had that attraction come from? Was it because I’ve always been nice to him? Was it because I have an over-friendly vibe? Or was it because let’s face it I’m that easy to fall for? Whatever it was that led to the attraction- I just couldn’t put a finger on it. And that made me realize that while we talk about the laws of attraction all the time- the harsh truth is- there are none. If you’re attracted to someone or develop a liking towards someone- it’s purely coincidental that they happen to have the sun sign you thought you’d be compatible with, or they like the same things as you do, or if their song is your favorite as well. Attraction has no laws and it’s purely random.

Come to think of it though, Mr. Delhi is so different from me- he’s down to earth and I have an air of superiority around me; he’s a chai drinker and I stick to green tea; he’s super accommodating and I’m the stuck-up bitch who’s never willing to adjust. Let’s just say we’re poles apart- and while I know they say opposites attract- in this case, I just didn’t see it coming.

I want to blame everything on the alcohol causing a lapse in our judgements- we should’ve known better. But the truth is, being tipsy doesn’t make you do things you don’t want to do- it only makes you do things you don’t have the courage to do when sober- so yes, I’ve concluded that the attraction had probably always been there- even if subconsciously so. But as for laws, and patterns- this is beyond those.

So don’t keep going in loops, break the pattern, don’t curb your wants and listen to your heart- and see where it leads you- don’t stereotype and think that you’re only allowed to be attracted to a certain kind of person- because attraction has no laws- and what doesn’t exist can’t bind you. And I hope to break free too- but while I say that, I don’t intend to pursue Mr. Delhi because some men are better off as friends, or lesser. I anyway had a spot empty in the ‘Friendzone’!

Worst Date Ever!

Ever had a date that you wanted to undo? Go back in time and cancel it? I know I did! And when I checked with the girls, they had had similar experiences too.

Well, it was just another usual Saturday night, when I decided to host this guy over for dinner. He looked alright, was an established restauranteur and was polite to talk to- I figured, what's not to like? So I decided to give him a chance! I was hoping it'd be an intimate evening involving wine and great conversations but destiny probably had it otherwise- because like all my anecdotes have plot twists; this one wasn't spared either- the man was reeking even from 5 minutes away from my place!

When he entered through the front door, my first instinct was to open all windows. Mr. Stinky Pants, however, completely oblivious to his very obvious stench, decided to take off his shoes, and his socks- wipe his feet using those socks and then use the same hand to wipe off the sweat off his face- all within a span of a few minutes. I have never, ever in my life felt more icky just by looking at someone. Forgive me for making it sound like a total nightmare- but well it was! The malodour had me in shambles.

While the man tried to make conversation and I battled the urge to ask him to wash his hands- I realised I couldn't hear anything he said over the sound of his stinking breath. As time progressed, I moved more and more away and then I finally blurted out - "Please wash your hands". It was pretty out of the blue for him and definitely not very subtle- but as he stood up to go wash his hands- I breathed a sigh of relief! But probably I thought too soon- because on his way to wash hands- he stopped by at the refrigerator, open a bottle of water with the very same dirty hands and sucked on it while I watched in horror.

I couldn't take it anymore, and I knew that it was time to fake a work emergency and leave so he'll have to leave too. And so I did. But what I didn't probably see coming, and what in all certainty was the worst part of the date, was when he asked if he could kiss me right before he left. It was in that moment I thought of all excuses ranging from "I'm a lesbian" to "I am allergic to kisses!" - yet I settled for an eye roll and a standard look of disbelief- for I genuinely was appalled at the audacity and overly-optimistic attitude that Mr. Stinky Pants displayed.

So well, that's how my worst date ended! And here's an advice to all the men out there- please don't underestimate the importance of hygiene! And to women like me, who've suffered- may life bring along better men and give us the strength and patience to deal with the kinds I've described above. What has your worst date experience been like?

Of Pain, Strength and Happiness!

Like any other sane woman, I too, look at myself as a multi-tasker. So, last evening, I decided to sip on some red wine- something to go along with the final episode of "The Mindy project" that I was watching- while responding to work e-mails and eating fox-nuts. And normally, it would've all gone fine- but the BFF pinged, the phone vibrated, the MacBook turned a certain angle, touched the wine glass, which lost balance and fell on the floor!

Now I'm a careful woman- and I got up from the couch with extreme caution- and I wiped clean the last of the glass bits that I saw. Though I have to admit- I was a little sad to lose one of the wine glasses but I had this feeling of accomplishment that I cleaned it all- and without it causing me any damage. But I guess I thought that too soon.

As I started to sit back on the couch, a big piece of glass immersed in my left leg- and I honestly hadn't anticipated that there would still be glass- and that too on the couch. Before tears could fill up my eyes, I decided to take matters into my own hands (only option at that moment) and remove that piece of glass from my leg- and I did. Did it hurt? More than I could have imagined. Did it bleed? Non-stop for 15 minutes. Did I do the right thing?- Debatable. But there was one thing I knew for sure- I had become stronger. My tolerance for pain and my patience in dealing with it had increased.

What happened later in the evening or the gibberish that the doctor uttered is irrelevant. What's important is that I dealt with it, and without a single tear rolling down my cheek. Sure, I made a big deal of it, and told the fam and friends- but I still dealt with it, all by myself. I know it may not sound like a big deal, for either of you. Yet it was for me. Because all of us, as people, are afraid of certain things in life. What have I always feared? Pain- physical and emotional. But have I suffered pain? Yes- emotional probably more than physical. But was I able to endure it up until now? Probably not. So this day felt to me like facing my fears and possibly overcoming them with all the strength I could muster.

They say "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only option you have"! And they're right! Because that day, I didn't cry because I knew there's no one to wipe my tears. I didn't throw a fit and took the glass out with my own bare hands, because I knew no one else would do it for me. And lastly yet most importantly, I patiently endured the pain, because I knew nothing would lessen it or make it go away at the moment. It was that day that I realised that the most important bit of dealing with any kind of circumstances in life is to first accept them.

We are always so busy fighting the circumstances, that we lose our strength- instead we should be more accepting of the current circumstances and saving our strengths to work towards a better future. Another important lesson I'd like you to take from here is that, sometimes the people who hurt us are the ones we never thought would- so more often than not- we don't see the wound, the pain coming and we sure as hell don't anticipate the damage. What's the best thing to do in such cases? Accept it and move on.

And from what I can tell you, the pain doesn't really go away soon, but it gets better- a little with each passing day. Like new skin grows over the wound and replaces the dead one, and it starts to heal- same way new people come into our lives, bring love and our life begins to heal. But you gotta give it time, you gotta be patient, and most importantly you gotta be accepting of the situation. And I assure you, one day, you'd just wake up, and even though the scar might be there- it just wouldn't hurt anymore, the pain would've gone- and you'll be at peace, and you'll be happy- and at the end of the day- "Happiness is all that matters"!

Forgotten?

In the past 3 weeks, I have done everything I possibly could to forget the past, erase it and move on. I constantly reminded myself of the fact that I've gotten through worse and survived so come what may- I can deal with it- and yes I can.

Chanting to myself- "He's just another guy!"- I started to think of ways to forget him and successfully move on in life. Advice from friends poured in! From hurling abuses, to going on a yoga retreat; from getting under someone to get over him to adopting celibacy; and from having a rebound to swearing off men- I had honestly heard it all- when I came up with a plan of my own.

The first step involved convincing myself that he was in fact, just another guy- and no one special. The second step involved burying myself into work. And the third one? Taking a solo vacation.

To be honest, the first step was pretty easy. Wiping the tears off, I had indeed convinced myself that he was just another guy, and many like him have come and gone and will come and go. I did realise that there are at least 278939 men out there who are way better than him in every sense and would have a genuine interest in me.

Step two? Work is always a good idea. I took up an additional project and I found myself thinking less about what went down and more about work. 'Mission accomplished'- I thought to myself!

Third step was the most fun to be honest. Travelling alone, meeting new people, visiting new places- that kinda did the trick for me (or so I thought)! As I sat at the beach, and the waves touched my feet and went right back to the sea- I realised that's where my happiness was- in the waves- and in the waves of change, like they say, i found my direction.

It was then that I realised, that forgetting someone isn't an option; mainly because it's not possible. Once someone has been a part of your life, they will always continue to be a part of your life- as a part of your past maybe; as a part of your memories perhaps- but they will always be a part of it. Since you can't go back in time, and erase the past, you can't really 'forget' someone. And why do we even have to forget someone? just because the memories hurt? But would we really be ourselves if we got rid of our memories? A clean slate is nice, but then what would make me 'me'?

It was then that I understood that there was a major flaw in my 3 step plan- I had never accepted that I wanted to close the doors to the past and move on- I was to just get rid of it- to just forget it like a nightmare. But the truth is, it wasn't a nightmare- I had lived it- it was the truth and not a fragment of my imagination- which is what made it hard, and impossible to forget it.

The point is that we're all only human- we love, we lose, we deal with heartbreaks, at times people do treat us badly and at times we do lose patience to deal with it all. And it's okay to feel like we want to shut ourselves down, and to actually not want to feel anything it all. But what we often forget is, that it's these feelings that make us human. It's these feelings that make us believe in love and keep the hope that one day "love can heal our brokenness"!

And the silver lining in dealing with all the bad times?- I've learnt from my experiences. They make me what i am today. I would not change a thing because what if I'm exactly in alignment with the plan of the universe? And I do believe in "Whatever happens, happens for good!"- and that's why I'm going to stay positive, no matter what. For my solo trip did teach me- there's  lot I haven't seen yet, a lot I haven't felt, a lot I haven't experienced yet and I do have a long way to go. There's so much more to my life than to mourn the loss of a man who clearly doesn't deserve a single tear shed in his name. And as C.W. Lewis said- "There are far, far better things ahead, than the ones we leave behind!"

So here's hoping, the future is as sparkly and glittery as my sequin dress! And here's hoping we all get some days by the beach- because while I still haven't forgotten the past, the waves did successfully wash my feelings away! Forgotten? Not at all. Moved on? Definitely yes!

No more Mr. Right!

Like any other millennial woman in her 20s, I religiously scroll through my Instagram before I call it a night- let's just call it my form of a night-cap. But while innocently scrolling through Instagram that night, I definitely didn't anticipate to bump into Mr. Right's engagement picture, which wasn't posted by him although- just to be fair. But obviously that led me to stalk a little more- and long story short- I realised he was getting engaged, but that wasn't the end of it. He was, in fact, also having some sort of 'whirlwind romance' to put it politely- with another woman that he had met on a vacation way back when we had just started out.

All of this was very surprising to me, yet an inner voice said- "I told you so" and I started to think back in time when I probably should've read the signs that I missed. I barely got through the night, and of course, there wasn't any sleep that I got- my night cap had failed me, and miserably at that. When the birds stated chirruping and the sun showed up, I decided it was time to ask Mr. Right and clear things for once and for all- and I'm glad I took that decision.

When I asked him if he was getting married, without actually talking about the picture- he responded with a 'maybe'. And we all know what 'maybe' means in such scenarios. 'Maybe' means yes, but I'd also like to keep you. 'Maybe' means yes but I won't admit it.  'Maybe' means yes, but oh my god, how did you find out.

All that aside, he asked me about why I asked that question out of the blue and I blamed it on him being distant, which by the way, was another sign that I missed, or rather chose to ignore. The conversation went on for over an hour with him changing his statements and getting caught in his own web of lies. I started to wonder if he has always been this guy who lies, manipulates, is secretive and overly private. I also started to wonder about who the other woman is, or rather, who the 'other women' are.

But as the plot thickened and things got unravelled, I found out that all this while, he's always been with someone- for the past many years and he was probably with her when he started things off with me, and that's the woman in the picture! Having said that, he still has a thing going on with another woman that he met on one of his vacations. And the icing on the cake was, when he claimed he had no idea about me being so involved, or having any expectations. Obviously, I gave him a piece of my mind- but that didn't help- because that day it wasn't just my heart that broke, it was my hope too.

In spite of all of this, I wished him luck, and suggested him to at least now, break things off with other women he's involved with aside of the one he's getting engaged to- but obviously I couldn't be expecting him to do the right thing.

Whilst all this went down, I couldn't stop crying. I also couldn't get myself to come to terms with what just happened. Even though I don't honestly have any spite for him, it just pains me to know how someone could be capable of hurting hearts like that and still not even be one percent guilty. How do people like this look in the mirror everyday? How do people like this face themselves? How do such people think that they can get by in life without even being apologetic about the damage they do? And if this is how people are, and this is how they get by, then I sure deserve an award for being the best human being possible.

All of that aside, this entire incident and the months that led up to it, in which I sure ignored the signs, blinded by love- taught me that you don't constantly have to chase a man that wants you- and he won't ever give you mixed signals or keep you up at night feeling anxious or second guessing yourself or your relationship. If someone is sure about you, you will feel secure in the relationship, no matter how far apart you are physically.

Another major lesson? Having great online stalking skills does pay off. Imagine if I hadn't found all this out, and confronted him- i would still be trapped in a nameless, directionless, loveless relationship of sorts and would still continue to pass on all the other wonderful men out there- one of whom actually might be 'the one'! So I like to think of all of this as a blessing!

And from now on, I'm surely not looking for Mr. Right anymore. Mr. Right is probably a myth and that's an idea that probably got rooted in my mind after watching one too many movies. From now on, it's all about Mr. Treats me Right! And while I say that, I think I need a break from men altogether for a bit. Another vacation on the cards maybe?

Valentine's Day Chronicles!

Yes, Yes, Yes - I know and remember I have to share some more Thailand stories; but well the timing is such that there's nostalgia in the air, and Valentine's Day? Just round the corner.

My earliest memory of an eventful valentines day dates back to 2009- I was in love with my best friend at the time, and blacked out because of drinking too much, To this day, I don't remember the events that went down that day.

2010- Happily attached to my long distance boyfriend, it was a mundane day, just with an extra dose of mush.

2011? Late evening pizza date with bae! And a beautiful ring for a present! Couldn't have asked for anything more.

2012 Valentine's Day I was sick and in bed. Maybe for the best that is.

Come 2013, and it was my first Valentine's dealing with a fresh heartbreak. And honestly, if there's any Valentine's that I'll remember for life- it's this one. Me and a friend decided to sit and drink from dawn till dusk; except she got drunk sooner and me being the mom I am ended up looking after her while she decided to indulge in a very public make out sesh- all while I was dealing with a stalker who 'loved my skin' and got me chocolates every 3 minutes. I still look back to that day and my heart fills with gratitude for Kabir who came in like Superman and saved the day!

2014? Nothing special. It was one of those years when I really enjoyed being single!

2015 had me craving attachment- to shoes, bags and wonderful pieces of clothing. So I spent my Valentine's day shopping with the girls.

For 2016's Valentine's Day, me and the friends decided to plan a short getaway- to get away from the smell of roses, everything pink and overpriced chocolates.

And when came 2017, we decided to have a singles only party. Me and the girl gang did have hopes of finding someone special there- of course- considering the only guy I did like that time- responded to my Valentine's Day wish with 'cool'. Each alphabet in 'Cool' pierced through my heart.

All in all, if I look back, I don't think anything can outdo or replace the adventures of Valentine's 2013! But over the years I've realised that Valentine's is just like any other day- if you're single or happily committed. Because someone who loves you wouldn't treat you differently just because the calendar has a different date drawn up- and if you're single- isn't it just another day at work?

Also, the past 10 years have been full of good, bad, and sometimes unworthy V-Days. Makes me wonder how life changes. I've literally gone from being in love with the best friend, to dating Mr. Wrong and to falling for the guy who responds with a 'cool'. So point being, if you have a sucky day this 14th feb, stay optimistic- I hope your Mr. Right/ Ms. Right responds with something that's better than 'cool'.

Honestly however, I don't get all the fuss around V-Day. Maybe I'm getting old, or maybe this is what they call maturing aka not falling prey to the marketing gimmicks that these days are. In my opinion, if you're attached or you fancy someone, do wish them- but that's that! Don't opt for extravagant gestures, or fancy presents- save them for birthdays, anniversaries or proposals.

Me here? If Mr. Right so much as wishes me on Valentine's- I'll be a happy girl! If he doesn't? Well then, I will. And hopefully, the response will not be 'cool'. But from hereon, Valentine's day, for me,will be just another day- business as usual- no expectations, no drama, no overrated and exaggerated presents. But guess I'll still keep the tradition of wearing pink or red going- because who doesn't love to play dress up?

Many Fish in the Sea!

When you're dealing with a fresh heartbreak and trying to come to terms with the fact that the man you want doesn't really want you back- the most common yet the most consoling line you hear from friends and acquaintances alike is - "There are many fish in the sea"

So you start to think that maybe you picked the fish that was wrong for you; and maybe the right fish is still in the sea looking for you. And the truth is, people will tell you that there are many many fish in the sea- waiting to be caught by you- and they're right! But what no one tells you about is the bitter truth- the sea is full of fish that are already married!

On my recent trip to Thailand (and you'll be hearing more on that!)- I met a wonderful man- charming, good-looking, and of course possessing other wonderful qualities that I would've noticed had I been sober. We got to talking and as it turned out, he was from India too, and we had some similar interests. We started to play a game at the club we were at, where he decided to prove to me that I was the only girl around who was not ready to get handsy with him or any other man in sight- turns out he was right.

I was totally floored with the ease with which he approached women and ended up with his tongue down their throats within seconds. Did I want to be one of those women? No. But the confidence was a plus!

Honestly at this point in my life, for the first time- I don't know what I want, and while that's okay, it does puzzle me beyond measure. Do I want to be more patient with Mr. Right while he chooses to conveniently ignore my existence? Do I want to proactively pursue one of the 14592 men who are after me? Do I want to indulge in something casual and let my feelings take a backseat? Or do I just want to take a break from men altogether? I don't know.

So when this guy at the club asked for my number, I gave it to him without putting much thought. He kissed me on the cheek, and whispered in my ear that he'll see me tomorrow and he'll text me and coordinate. I called it a night and left the club, but it was 5am already!

I behaved like a typical teenager the next day, and checked my phone roughly around 749590 times to see if he had texted me- but he hadn't. I got dressed and decided to go to the Full Moon Party where we were supposed to 'coordinate and catch up'. I did hope of running into him and I did- right at the entrance- I locked eyes with him while his lips were locked with a Russian. I smiled at him, and at my own foolishness, and I moved further ahead to enjoy the party (more on that later!).

Later that night, we did run into each other. And long story short, he apologised for not texting me as him and his group of friends had met with an accident earlier in the day. I would've believed him but I wasn't that drunk. He later tried to kiss me, and I told him that this is not what I'm looking for and I'm already committed to someone (Am I?)- to which he responded with a big "So what?". Turns out, he had been married for an year, yet considering it was an arranged marriage- he didn't love her and already had one too many flings. He was hoping I'd be understanding and I could partake in his cheating adventures and be his "4th extra marital" affair! Needless to say, I said goodbye and got myself another drink to make sense of the proposal that had just been thrown my way!

And this was just one incident- but another incident happened with a friend too- where a man spent the evening with her and didn't even look at other women and made her believe he was so into her- while later when my friend decided to stalk him online- he turned out to be married and a father of a two year old.

That night I realised, that while there are many fish in the sea- Most of the fish are either married, dead, disinterested or unappealing. And the worst part? There might be 389202 fish in the sea that would willingly want to be caught by you but you would only want this one particular fish- and if that fish wants you too.. you're the luckiest person on the face of this earth.

A Perfect Life!

As I leave for my vacation tonight- sitting at the airport, looking at people, I realise everyone's at a different point in their life. There's someone crying for they have to move away from their loved ones, there's someone excited to go on their honeymoon and then there's someone who's exhausted from travelling for work.

Over the past few days- some friends, some colleagues, some relatives- everyone has told me how jealous they are that I get to take a break and go for my vacay. And over the past few months, I've also been approached by people who read my blog, and keep up with my life- and I have been told how jealous they are as my life is perfect! Tonight, I've decided to set the record straight!

Ladies, those of you who mention being envious of of how many men approach me or how my life is full of mysterious and amazing guys- you should know that the only guy I want in my life doesn't want me back.

Those of you who think I'm always going from one city to another or travelling around- you should know that being away from home kills me, and I have absolutely no one to keep me company in the city that I'm presently in.

People who say they feel jealous of the number of friends I have, should know that some very important friends have backstabbed me over the years and I have lost touch with most of the people I knew growing up.

The point is, everything comes at a cost! And ups and downs are a part of life. My life is far from perfect- it's a mess to be honest- I'm in a city that I don't like or have friends in; I'm in a relationship that exists only in my head and the man in question couldn't care less; my parents have given me an ultimatum on zeroing upon a guy to tie the knot with, while I still struggle to understand my own feelings; I mostly spend weekends watching re-runs of "Friends"! And to top it all, my new job is a big change from my previous line of work, and poses a big challenge!

I'm not saying there are no positives about my life- of course I write about those, so there are. The truth is, there's enough negativity and sadness in all of our lives in general that subjecting my readers to the sadness in mine, doesn't seem fair.

Having said that, I would just want you to know that we are all like these people at the airport- we're all going somewhere, and we've all come from somewhere! We all are just in different phases of life- some of us are sad, some of us are happy, some are excited and some are just plain exhausted. But the point is, time's going to change, circumstances will change, and we will change and who knows maybe the next time you're at the airport- you'll be the happiest person there! I'm hoping I'll be the happiest once I'm back from my vacation.

Till then, don't draw comparisons- learn lessons from my life, but don't be jealous- I have more problems than you can possibly imagine- but I'm getting by, just like I'd like you to! Know that "Perfection" is a myth- the truth is life is unfair to all, and that's why it's fair!

Life Lesson 2017!

I've already talked about the men 2017 brought along - the good ones, the bad ones, and the absolutely disgusting ones too- all of them. But what's more important, is the life lessons 2017 decided to bless me with. In the past so many years of my existence, never has an year taught me so much. And as per my policy about life lessons, I've decided to share them all with you.

You already know about the numerous ones Mr. E taught me in the past year. So let's talk about what life taught me this year!

Dressing up in red for my New year's Eve celebrations, as suggested by mom (she says- wear red as you ring in the new year so that you'll get married this year)- my mind drifted to the past few months and I started to think of how none of my plans have fallen into place- including the one to wear that black dress tonight.

All of 2017, I planned extensively, not just about my career but also about my personal life. I had plans to move to another team at my organisation. I had plans to meet Mr. Right.  I had plans to go on a trip to Thailand around Christmas and that's where i was supposed to be ringing in the new year- of course on a beach and in a black dress- but who had other plans? Destiny.

This, as I like to put it, is the biggest lesson I've learnt in 2017- that no amount of prediction and planning and elaborate detailed layouts of how things are supposed to be, in my head would do me any good. Fighting with the universe and trying to change the course of my destiny or wanting something or someone that clearly doesn't belong to me will only lead to wastage of my efforts and an unappreciative attitude on the part of the other person and the universe in general.

To be honest, in the past year, I've had the best and the worst time of my life. It has been such an amazing contradiction of sorts. For instance, I lost a great deal of weight- but at the same time, had to give up on my first love- french fries. I found a better job, but had to move to another, less likeable city to pursue the same. And of course, I met someone I genuinely liked after years- but that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. But it's all destiny's plan, I'm certain.

I can list 3467589 instances if I have to where things have happened as per destiny's choice and not mine- the move to Bangalore, falling for someone I didn't intend to fall for, the sudden trip to Delhi in November and so on. In fact, when Thailand didn't work out for the holidays, I decided to spend some time back at home, in Delhi and I planned my dates keeping in mind that I'd want to steal some time to spend with Mr. E but well, as destiny would have it, that didn't quite happen.

All in all, 2017 has been the year that I realised that no plan has been or will be more elaborate or more workable than the one destiny has for me. No matter what I think, say, or invest my efforts in- in the end, Destiny and the universe are going to work things out on their own. And all this will happen at it's own pace.

Having said that, I don't think this means that I stop putting in efforts in the things and people I want to pursue. Because, as the saying goes, god helps those who help themselves. But it just strengthens my belief in Destiny and it's plan and I'm more at peace knowing that I'm not the planner- just the part of the plan. And of course, I believe in Karma- but can Karma change my destiny? Slightly, as I like to believe. Good Karma can maybe, to an extent negate the effects of Bad Karma and positively alter my destiny a bit maybe? I'd like to hope so.

So as I step into 2018, I'm leaving behind anxiety, and I'm leaving behind planning- I'm adopting a more 'go with the flow' attitude- while still pursuing with extreme passion the things and the people that I truly want in my life- because "Even the Universe is known to fall in love with a stubborn heart!"

Wishing you all a very Happy 2018! How are you stepping into 2018 like?

2017- The year in men!

Now now now, before you judge me, you should know I'm just another girl with an ongoing quest for Mr. Right and an incorrigible heart that refuses to give up. 2017- my quest and hunt reached another level- as I encountered a different man every month- yet as fate would have it, the quest is still on, and Mr. Right is still out of sight.

January, I met Mr. Cute Smile- who said I'm too caring for his taste! Needless to say, that didn't last.

February, even without having met him, I developed this liking for Mr. E. Not my usual type, but he seemed like he was more than just some boxes on my checklist, so I made up my mind to leave everything else and pursue him.

March, I met Mr. Self Absorbed, who could only talk about himself. I also met Mr. All Rounder who had all the talents but still bored me to death.

April 2017, an arranged marriage proposal came my way. This time, I thought he was Mr. Right- until he asked if we could have a trial run to see how compatible we are sexually before we decide to get married. Men and their sexpectations- ugh!

Then came May, and brought along Mr. Maggi Noodles, who fell in love with me in 2 minutes. Surprisingly, he hadn't ever heard about the term 'consent'- probably he was living under a huge rock.

June brought along the most handsome foreigner that I had ever laid eyes on. Younger than me, but with the most chiseled cheek bones- he had 3 amazing qualities- good-looks, good-looks and good-looks. But when he knocked on my door- being the pseudo prude that I am, I turned down a hook-up opportunity.

July, aah, well, just when I had decided to make it a now or never thing in the pursuit of Mr. E, he finally decided to come out of hiding and meet me.

With August, came in Party guy, who with his charm and cute looks, definitely grabbed my attention. If my focus hadn't been on Mr. E- maybe party guy would've gotten a chance to be Mr. Right. Also, since I had to move to Bangalore, I told him to hold his horses as starting something new wouldn't have made any sense.

September was the month when I met Mr. Perfect- he was the epitome of how I'd like Mr. Right to be. There was chemistry, attraction, and a lot of flirting- yet I had to pass because even though he was perfect, he wasn't Mr. E.

October brought in another version of Mr. E- one that I was unaware even existed- almost too good to be true. From a guy who didn't respond to texts for days- he became this guy who would text me before I'd even open my eyes. He exuded appreciation, care, concern and love- and I thought here is Mr. Right- I should definitely stop looking- but fate had some other plans, as October's effects didn't last till November.

Sweet November- unlike the movie, my November wasn't so sweet- there was lot of emotional turmoil and confusion! But November brought back Mr. Perfect from from September, who seems like he doesn't want to give up on trying here. He even invited me to his party, and wanted to introduce me to his friends as the woman he wants. If and only if, I wanted him too. But well never say never!

December has essentially been about 2 men- with me meeting Mr. Dreamy on the flight and Party Guy making a comeback from August! Spoilt for choice December- as I'd like to put it!

All in all, it has been a pretty interesting year- but did I find Mr. Right? No! Did I come close to finding Mr. Right? Yes! Would I like to relive a month? October- definitely. Would I like to erase a month? May without a doubt. So here's hoping next year there's less men to talk about- In fact let's hope I get to talk about only 1 of them- Mr. Right. And may next year be more blissful and happier than October 2017. What was your favourite month in the past year?

Happiness and Mr. Dreamy

Just like everyone else, I too had a feeling that I'll meet the love of my life on a plane- where luck would have seated us side by side. Maybe we would strike a conversation, fall in love in typical meet-cute fashion, and then meet each other's families once we get off, get married, have cute little babies with cute little names and then live happily ever after!

Every single time though, I'd be disappointed to be seated next to an old lady, or a new mother with a crying infant, or a middle aged man with gastric issues. Next to a handsome man? Never. But this time, on my way to Delhi, as I boarded my early morning flight, I had no hopes or thoughts about being seated next to a hot guy- yet there he was!

"Excuse me, Is this bag yours?"- he asked, picking up my bag from his seat. For a minute there, I got lost in his dreamy eyes, and though I could hear his completely erotic voice- I couldn't get a response out of my already parted lips. "Yes! I'm sorry"- I muttered after getting back to reality. As he handed over my bag to me, and I got to touch his soft yet strong hands- I knew the next 3 hours were going to be oh-so-amazing.

Once the flight took off, I started thinking about how to start a conversation with Mr. Dreamy. Before I could make up my mind on a conversation starter, he asked me if I stayed in Delhi or Bangalore. And if you know me, you'd know I never answer in sentences- I answer in paragraphs and so I began! We discussed both the cities. I got to know he was essentially a Delhi guy and was in Bangalore for work. I told him about my situation too, and his next question put me in a fix.

"Where are you the happiest?- Delhi or Bangalore?"- He asked. I took a minute to think; because Delhi had family, friends and an amazing social life; while Bangalore had the job that I love and of course, a pleasant weather. But in all honesty, and this is what I told Mr. Dreamy too- I'm the happiest when I'm at 35000ft above sea level. Yes, I'm the happiest on flights. With no connect to the outside world; and the excitement of going to a new place, or the comfort of getting back to the familiar- is what makes me the happiest.

Travel has always been my thing. I have such a love for exploring places, meeting new people, getting to know about different cultures, buying the local stuff there- it's true, I'm the happiest when I'm on a plane, mid air. When I turned the tables on Mr. Dreamy however, and asked him the same question, he gladly gave me my favorite and most used bollywood cliche - "Tumhaari khushi mein hi meri khushi hai"!

Could he be any more 'Bollywood'? Of Course i gave him my number when he asked.

The highlight of the flight was not Mr. Dreamy however- because I don't think we are so in love that the cute babies seem a possibility. Are we getting there? Maybe. But what was major about the flight incident was that I learnt where my true happiness lies- and it's in travelling. So here's hoping I can make 2018 the year of travel. And while I pursue that, if I can find someone like Mr. Dreamy, who makes me go like Rachel on friends, and actually "Get off the plane"- that'd be nice too!

What does your happiness lie in?