No more Mr. Right!

Like any other millennial woman in her 20s, I religiously scroll through my Instagram before I call it a night- let's just call it my form of a night-cap. But while innocently scrolling through Instagram that night, I definitely didn't anticipate to bump into Mr. Right's engagement picture, which wasn't posted by him although- just to be fair. But obviously that led me to stalk a little more- and long story short- I realised he was getting engaged, but that wasn't the end of it. He was, in fact, also having some sort of 'whirlwind romance' to put it politely- with another woman that he had met on a vacation way back when we had just started out.

All of this was very surprising to me, yet an inner voice said- "I told you so" and I started to think back in time when I probably should've read the signs that I missed. I barely got through the night, and of course, there wasn't any sleep that I got- my night cap had failed me, and miserably at that. When the birds stated chirruping and the sun showed up, I decided it was time to ask Mr. Right and clear things for once and for all- and I'm glad I took that decision.

When I asked him if he was getting married, without actually talking about the picture- he responded with a 'maybe'. And we all know what 'maybe' means in such scenarios. 'Maybe' means yes, but I'd also like to keep you. 'Maybe' means yes but I won't admit it.  'Maybe' means yes, but oh my god, how did you find out.

All that aside, he asked me about why I asked that question out of the blue and I blamed it on him being distant, which by the way, was another sign that I missed, or rather chose to ignore. The conversation went on for over an hour with him changing his statements and getting caught in his own web of lies. I started to wonder if he has always been this guy who lies, manipulates, is secretive and overly private. I also started to wonder about who the other woman is, or rather, who the 'other women' are.

But as the plot thickened and things got unravelled, I found out that all this while, he's always been with someone- for the past many years and he was probably with her when he started things off with me, and that's the woman in the picture! Having said that, he still has a thing going on with another woman that he met on one of his vacations. And the icing on the cake was, when he claimed he had no idea about me being so involved, or having any expectations. Obviously, I gave him a piece of my mind- but that didn't help- because that day it wasn't just my heart that broke, it was my hope too.

In spite of all of this, I wished him luck, and suggested him to at least now, break things off with other women he's involved with aside of the one he's getting engaged to- but obviously I couldn't be expecting him to do the right thing.

Whilst all this went down, I couldn't stop crying. I also couldn't get myself to come to terms with what just happened. Even though I don't honestly have any spite for him, it just pains me to know how someone could be capable of hurting hearts like that and still not even be one percent guilty. How do people like this look in the mirror everyday? How do people like this face themselves? How do such people think that they can get by in life without even being apologetic about the damage they do? And if this is how people are, and this is how they get by, then I sure deserve an award for being the best human being possible.

All of that aside, this entire incident and the months that led up to it, in which I sure ignored the signs, blinded by love- taught me that you don't constantly have to chase a man that wants you- and he won't ever give you mixed signals or keep you up at night feeling anxious or second guessing yourself or your relationship. If someone is sure about you, you will feel secure in the relationship, no matter how far apart you are physically.

Another major lesson? Having great online stalking skills does pay off. Imagine if I hadn't found all this out, and confronted him- i would still be trapped in a nameless, directionless, loveless relationship of sorts and would still continue to pass on all the other wonderful men out there- one of whom actually might be 'the one'! So I like to think of all of this as a blessing!

And from now on, I'm surely not looking for Mr. Right anymore. Mr. Right is probably a myth and that's an idea that probably got rooted in my mind after watching one too many movies. From now on, it's all about Mr. Treats me Right! And while I say that, I think I need a break from men altogether for a bit. Another vacation on the cards maybe?

Valentine's Day Chronicles!

Yes, Yes, Yes - I know and remember I have to share some more Thailand stories; but well the timing is such that there's nostalgia in the air, and Valentine's Day? Just round the corner.

My earliest memory of an eventful valentines day dates back to 2009- I was in love with my best friend at the time, and blacked out because of drinking too much, To this day, I don't remember the events that went down that day.

2010- Happily attached to my long distance boyfriend, it was a mundane day, just with an extra dose of mush.

2011? Late evening pizza date with bae! And a beautiful ring for a present! Couldn't have asked for anything more.

2012 Valentine's Day I was sick and in bed. Maybe for the best that is.

Come 2013, and it was my first Valentine's dealing with a fresh heartbreak. And honestly, if there's any Valentine's that I'll remember for life- it's this one. Me and a friend decided to sit and drink from dawn till dusk; except she got drunk sooner and me being the mom I am ended up looking after her while she decided to indulge in a very public make out sesh- all while I was dealing with a stalker who 'loved my skin' and got me chocolates every 3 minutes. I still look back to that day and my heart fills with gratitude for Kabir who came in like Superman and saved the day!

2014? Nothing special. It was one of those years when I really enjoyed being single!

2015 had me craving attachment- to shoes, bags and wonderful pieces of clothing. So I spent my Valentine's day shopping with the girls.

For 2016's Valentine's Day, me and the friends decided to plan a short getaway- to get away from the smell of roses, everything pink and overpriced chocolates.

And when came 2017, we decided to have a singles only party. Me and the girl gang did have hopes of finding someone special there- of course- considering the only guy I did like that time- responded to my Valentine's Day wish with 'cool'. Each alphabet in 'Cool' pierced through my heart.

All in all, if I look back, I don't think anything can outdo or replace the adventures of Valentine's 2013! But over the years I've realised that Valentine's is just like any other day- if you're single or happily committed. Because someone who loves you wouldn't treat you differently just because the calendar has a different date drawn up- and if you're single- isn't it just another day at work?

Also, the past 10 years have been full of good, bad, and sometimes unworthy V-Days. Makes me wonder how life changes. I've literally gone from being in love with the best friend, to dating Mr. Wrong and to falling for the guy who responds with a 'cool'. So point being, if you have a sucky day this 14th feb, stay optimistic- I hope your Mr. Right/ Ms. Right responds with something that's better than 'cool'.

Honestly however, I don't get all the fuss around V-Day. Maybe I'm getting old, or maybe this is what they call maturing aka not falling prey to the marketing gimmicks that these days are. In my opinion, if you're attached or you fancy someone, do wish them- but that's that! Don't opt for extravagant gestures, or fancy presents- save them for birthdays, anniversaries or proposals.

Me here? If Mr. Right so much as wishes me on Valentine's- I'll be a happy girl! If he doesn't? Well then, I will. And hopefully, the response will not be 'cool'. But from hereon, Valentine's day, for me,will be just another day- business as usual- no expectations, no drama, no overrated and exaggerated presents. But guess I'll still keep the tradition of wearing pink or red going- because who doesn't love to play dress up?

Many Fish in the Sea!

When you're dealing with a fresh heartbreak and trying to come to terms with the fact that the man you want doesn't really want you back- the most common yet the most consoling line you hear from friends and acquaintances alike is - "There are many fish in the sea"

So you start to think that maybe you picked the fish that was wrong for you; and maybe the right fish is still in the sea looking for you. And the truth is, people will tell you that there are many many fish in the sea- waiting to be caught by you- and they're right! But what no one tells you about is the bitter truth- the sea is full of fish that are already married!

On my recent trip to Thailand (and you'll be hearing more on that!)- I met a wonderful man- charming, good-looking, and of course possessing other wonderful qualities that I would've noticed had I been sober. We got to talking and as it turned out, he was from India too, and we had some similar interests. We started to play a game at the club we were at, where he decided to prove to me that I was the only girl around who was not ready to get handsy with him or any other man in sight- turns out he was right.

I was totally floored with the ease with which he approached women and ended up with his tongue down their throats within seconds. Did I want to be one of those women? No. But the confidence was a plus!

Honestly at this point in my life, for the first time- I don't know what I want, and while that's okay, it does puzzle me beyond measure. Do I want to be more patient with Mr. Right while he chooses to conveniently ignore my existence? Do I want to proactively pursue one of the 14592 men who are after me? Do I want to indulge in something casual and let my feelings take a backseat? Or do I just want to take a break from men altogether? I don't know.

So when this guy at the club asked for my number, I gave it to him without putting much thought. He kissed me on the cheek, and whispered in my ear that he'll see me tomorrow and he'll text me and coordinate. I called it a night and left the club, but it was 5am already!

I behaved like a typical teenager the next day, and checked my phone roughly around 749590 times to see if he had texted me- but he hadn't. I got dressed and decided to go to the Full Moon Party where we were supposed to 'coordinate and catch up'. I did hope of running into him and I did- right at the entrance- I locked eyes with him while his lips were locked with a Russian. I smiled at him, and at my own foolishness, and I moved further ahead to enjoy the party (more on that later!).

Later that night, we did run into each other. And long story short, he apologised for not texting me as him and his group of friends had met with an accident earlier in the day. I would've believed him but I wasn't that drunk. He later tried to kiss me, and I told him that this is not what I'm looking for and I'm already committed to someone (Am I?)- to which he responded with a big "So what?". Turns out, he had been married for an year, yet considering it was an arranged marriage- he didn't love her and already had one too many flings. He was hoping I'd be understanding and I could partake in his cheating adventures and be his "4th extra marital" affair! Needless to say, I said goodbye and got myself another drink to make sense of the proposal that had just been thrown my way!

And this was just one incident- but another incident happened with a friend too- where a man spent the evening with her and didn't even look at other women and made her believe he was so into her- while later when my friend decided to stalk him online- he turned out to be married and a father of a two year old.

That night I realised, that while there are many fish in the sea- Most of the fish are either married, dead, disinterested or unappealing. And the worst part? There might be 389202 fish in the sea that would willingly want to be caught by you but you would only want this one particular fish- and if that fish wants you too.. you're the luckiest person on the face of this earth.