Grocery Shopping Saga

Life in the new city had more or less settled in. I finally stopped whining about not being able to make friends- by bonding with two fun colleagues, and making peace with alone time. Moving into the new house was 'challenging' to say the least- but the idea of setting up a household and staying by myself had appealed to me for quite a while now- so I had jumped right into this- with a lot of excitement.

Two days into the new house, I started to question myself. Why? Because the new house was smaller than my room back in my city! "Let's call it 'cosy' and make peace with it"- I thought to myself. Then came the weekend- and I decided to pay a visit to the supermarket to set up my house and kick things off! After loading up my cart with spices, utensils, buckets, baskets and all sorts of consumables; I picked up the most important thing- a bottle of wine!

After 5 hours of hopping around the supermarket, hunting for deals and discounts and stocking up on all the stuff that I convinced myself I needed, I finally proceeded to the billing counter. After seeing the billing amount, let's just say I was thankful for that bottle of wine I purchased!

Now, as fellow humans, you'd understand, that we only have two hands roughly comprising of 10 fingers, give or take. So obviously I needed a hand with my bags, which, were 6 in number- aside of the buckets and baskets. A really generous and helpful man decided to get creative while helping me and fit some bags into the buckets! I thanked him with a smile and he left while I stood there waiting for my cab which was 19 minutes away ( yes, that's Bangalore for you!). And just when I was hoping for the day to end without tiring me anymore, it started to rain cats and dogs (that's Bangalore too!). I moved my ass, and my stuff back to the covered area of the supermarket and luckily, 30 minutes later, the cab arrived.

There was no one in sight who I could ask for help with my stuff, so i decided to ask the driver- who was a doll and helped fit all my stuff in the boot of his car- barring the wine bottle of course- which I needed for the long way back home. After about an hour, I finally reached my new home- which is on the first floor. It was still raining and the cab guy, irritated by the rain, and the traffic- wasn't much of a doll anymore and dumped me and my stuff right outside our building in the rain- can't even blame him.

Let's just say, grocery shopping that night, cost me 1/5th of my monthly salary, 4 broken fingernails, a torn dress, few scratches on my arms and a major muscle pull in the leg that ensured I stayed home all day Sunday. What was worse? I had to organise and store all my purchases myself too.- The struggles of living alone no one warned me about!

As I went to bed that night, partly in tears, I wondered how nice it would be to have a boyfriend in the city- at least for the sake of shopping. Or at least a strong, manly friend, who can just lift the bags and take the burden off my delicate hands. So when one of my friends suggested I meet her friend Manan who stays in the city- I obviously said Yes!

But that's the thing with meeting new men- they remind you of the one you really really want, yet isn't here- and that makes living alone in the city even harder. But that's the stuff no one talks about- No one tells you that not many people will help you if you're a single girl in the city. No one tells you that it is difficult to be by yourself and have perfectly manicured hands. No one tells you that the loneliness sometimes might take a toll on you. No one tells you that you gotta manage it all on your own and still have a smile on your face. No one tells you how much you will miss people back home. And sure as hell, no one tells you that you'll meet men like Manan who'd want you to sleep with them in exchange for being friends.

So for all of you out there, who are staying alone, or multitasking- managing yourself, work and a household- all by yourself- kudos to you. You're doing something so amazing, so brave, and so bold- that I'm proud of you, as proud I am of myself. A little suggestion- stay strong, stay positive, keep that bottle of wine closer, and men like Manan- as far as possible. Life gets easier as it passes by- especially if you have someone who's willing to voluntarily go grocery shopping with you- men like these are hard to find; but hey, I found one who suggested it himself. Mr. E probably doesn't know what he's getting into- maybe he will find out 'sooner'!

Are you Ready for Love?

Moving to a new city is always exciting- new job, new life, new people- New You! I firmly believe that we as people, are constantly trying to reinvent ourselves from time to time in our own eyes- fixing our flaws, bettering our dressing sense, adopting a more positive outlook towards life and just becoming better versions of our own selves. Hence this new version of me, in this new city, had a lot to look forward to- new places, new stories, new home and of course, new men!

After spending 20 days in a hotel room, with a very basic routine of going to work, coming back, watching a sappy movie, texting my friends, talking to the parents and sleeping- I finally went out one night for a party one of my friends invited me to. And there I met this guy- tall, big smile, twinkling eyes, and a lot of flirtatious glancing from across the room!

As he walked towards me to make conversation, I wondered why was he attracted to me in a room full of pretty girls! Maybe it was the black dress? Or the 'she's new here' vibe? Or was it me laughing too much from having downed three glasses of wine already? We were already conversing before I had a chance to figure out the answer to this ongoing confusion in my head!

As I sipped on my fourth glass of wine, he became more charming, his travel tales became more interesting, and I was surprised to know how similar our family backgrounds and lifestyles were. He asked me if I wanted to go out for a walk and I was game, obviously! But the moment we stepped out, his smile started to remind me of how much I missed Mr. Right's smile. And from there on, I lost track of our conversation, as all I could think about was Mr. Right, his smile, his laughter, his talks, his stories, his face, his touch, his scent- Him! It was in that moment, I realised how perfect Party Guy was- but it didn't matter, because he was not 'him'.

With my mind obviously not being in the present situation, I wasn't surprised when I twisted my ankle and was just about to fall when Party Guy saved me- and there was a moment- he leaned in and I turned away. I apologized to him, told him I was in love with someone else, and ran away without looking back- obviously at a lousy speed, considering my twisted ankle.

I surprised myself that night! Was I really in love? Or was it the wine exaggerating?  Sober, I would admit to having feelings for Mr. Right, but I wouldn't just call it love. Not Yet. Why? I didn't think I was at that point in my life where I could afford to fall in love. That night, trying to sleep, I craved Mr. Right's company- I missed him; so much. And I thought to myself about not being ready for love. But that's the funny thing about life, it happens, whether or not we're ready!

Ironic, isn't it? I'm the kind of person who always has a plan and sticks to it, so as to be able to control the outcome. But this took me off guard; and I wondered what was I going to do about it? Was there anything I could do about it? Would I ever be able to tell Mr. Right? How would he react? Would he want to stop seeing me considering he's made it amply clear that he doesn't have and will never have any feelings for me? Haunted by all these questions, i decided to term it 'Infatuation'- I refused to accept it as love. Consider it my escape mechanism, while I'm fully aware that the reality doesn't change even if I decide to escape it. But I'm still hoping it will! Why? Because I'm not ready for love! And sometimes, if you pretend for long enough, you start to believe it.

But what I'd like you to take from here is not how I choose to escape life while it happens; but to understand that we're never ready in life- for anything. For better or for worse, your plans won't always work out, and sooner than later you'd know why they didn't. And I'm hoping I'd know the reason of mine not working out too! Till then, this is how I'm gonna deal- and while I do that, no more party guys! Because how could I deal with all that with Mr. Right constantly on my mind?

Parting ways, Letting go, Moving on!

If I haven't already emphasized on it enough, deciding to move to another city wasn't easy. What was even more difficult? Bidding goodbye!- not just to my family, but my friends too! Like I've mentioned time and again, I'm blessed to have the most amazing friends. And when Zareen and Aryan decided to put together a farewell just a couple of days before I left, I knew I'd have to deal with saying 'goodbye'!

Dressing up that night, a million thoughts raced through my mind! Shrugging aside the endless thoughts, I slipped into my new black skirt, put on my heels, and was ready to go!- "I will not cry"- I had made up my mind.

We were all having the best time- Endless chit chat, lots of selfies, and a few round of drinks down- just when everyone was about to wind up- Zareen suggested we go for an after party to another place. All us girls, at least, were totally on board with the idea- wanting to dance the night away. And I thought keeping the tears at bay, should be rewarded with some dancing.

As I was walking towards the car, I saw Zareen coaxing Kabir to tag along for the after party. I overheard their conversation, and it turned out Zareen had invited over Mr. E as well, amongst other people, as a surprise, and that's why she was convincing Kabir and his girlfriend to tag along for the after party so that they could meet him too. I decided to join the conversation, spoiling Zareen's surprise and requested Kabir to stay. I told him, in more than a few words, about how much I'd like him to come along and meet Mr. E. But Kabir turned my requests down in the most blunt way possible and right there, I broke into tears! What was funnier was that Kabir seemed unperturbed.

While Zareen and Aryan consoled me, we moved on to the after party, where Dhruv and his sister decided to accompany us, much to my surprise! And then of course, the girls are always by my side! Mr. E showed up; I acted surprised- more for his sake (he came all the way!)- and that's how I wrapped up one of the best nights the year has seen!

Next morning, wrapping my head around all that went down last night, I decided to text Kabir, telling him this isn't what I expected out of him. Turns out, he wanted to put the blame on me, for one of my friends mentioning about one of the flings Kabir brought along to a party last year! I have never been more surprised! That's when I made up my mind about this being over- me and Kabir! I decided to call it quits- to part ways, let go and move on! Not because I valued his friendship any less; but because I refused to be treated this way.

Over the past 6-7 years of being friends with Kabir, I've almost always observed how I'm sidelined whenever he has a new love interest- which should not be the case, since I'm just another friend- a time consuming, attention seeking friend!- but just a friend! It was anyway getting hard on me when Kabir constantly gave me excuses for not being able to catch up over the past few months but could make time for 2 movies and 4 dinners a week with his new girlfriend. Hypocrisy is intolerable!

And I wanted to shout and tell Kabir- "If you do have flings, that you get to parties and introduce to people- they will be mentioned and talked about sooner or later! If you decide not to tell your partner about your flings, it's your issue- and me or my friends refuse to take responsibility for slipping their name in a conversation completely unintentionally."

The incident on my farewell was the nail in the coffin. So here's an advice for all of you out there- stay loyal to your friends! I'm a firm believer of the saying- "Boyfriends come and go, BFFs last forever!". And here's conveying my future Mr. Right- "Please stay loyal to your friends, because if you can't stay loyal to those who've stuck with you through thick and thin, how'll you ever stay loyal to me?"

And that's how I'm closing Kabir's chapter. Do I still feel blessed to have the most amazing friends? Yes- my inner circle is all those people who showed up for the after party! Here's hoping I find some amazing friends in the new city too!