Life Lessons from Mr. E

Sitting at my favorite cafe with a bunch of my closest friends, as the smoke from the shisha escaped my lips- my mind drifted away from the ongoing conversation and I thought to myself how much will i miss all my Delhi people if I decide to move to Bangalore for a new job opportunity that had presented itself! I couldn't help but wonder if it would be the right thing to do; if it would be a wise decision to make- considering all that's there at stake! I wasn't just bewildered but I was also torn between the heart and the mind; between present and the future! And nothing seemed to help.

Next morning, crying in the shower, contemplating whether or not to make the move to another city, and having my general chit-chat with the almighty- I had a moment of epiphany. I realized I had nothing to cry about! Things were finally looking up- I had found a job that I was certain I'd like, Mr. Right did seem interested in me, my parents were going a little easier on the 'Shaadi' shenanigans, and I had lost enough weight to fit into a jeans two sizes smaller! Why was I even crying?

I was scared, of never being able to see my friends again, of not being able to sleep in my mom's lap, of never being able to cook in my own kitchen again, of not being able to shop at my favorite places in my city, of not being able to watch another horror movie with Mr. E! And that's when Mr. E's words struck me!

Long long back, when I was passing my days watching 'Gilmore Girls' on Netflix while at work; Mr. E suggested I quit my job if I didn't feel like continuing it. When I told him how the idea of spending the rest of my life with just one particular person scared me, as I'm pretty commitment phobic, he said it doesn't have to be this way! His advice- 'If you don't like it somewhere, Move! You're not a Tree!' Now, you may argue about this piece of advice coming from Jim Rohn and not Mr. E, but well that's where it came to me from.

And suddenly, as his words echoed in my mind, I had supreme clarity on making the decision. I felt so secure, knowing that if I didn't like it in Bangalore, I could wrap up my stuff and come back- to my mom, to my friends, to my city, to him! Knowing and understanding that I reserve the right to change my decisions without being worried about being labelled as fickle minded- gave me immense relief and helped me become more confident about my decision. Suddenly I didn't have anything to be scared about!

Mr. E had also once told me- 'Failure is acceptable, Regret is not' ! And in all honesty, I didn't want to regret not taking up the job I so wanted to, just because I was scared I'd miss people. The truth is, I'd probably miss them- yes! But will it be worth it to stay for a bunch of people who I think would forget me if I'm gone? No.

Yes, they do say 'Out of sight is out of mind!'. But I like to believe the age old saying of 'Distance making the heart grow fonder'. I guess it's a chance I'd have to take. And maybe this distance will actually show me who deserves to be a part of my life's journey!

So here I am, taking a chance, moving to another city, even though my heart's in Delhi. What am I taking with me? the most amazing memories, and all these life lessons Mr. E has taught me! And just before I left, he taught me another one that has kept my tears at bay for a bit. He said- 'Nothing is permanent, not even the distances' and I'm certain I'll see him again, I'll see my friends again, I'll be sleeping in mom's laps again, and of course baking in my kitchen again! Until then, Bangalore is home.

Musings of an 'Unsettled' Heart

When you belong to a typical Punjabi family- family get togethers and functions become a norm. Another thing that becomes a norm? This question- "Why don't you settle down now?"

Ever wondered why they refer to getting married as 'settling down'? Because you got to settle. You got to compromise. You got to make peace with living the ordinary life. For some of us, who are lucky, getting married may not exactly translate to 'settling'. But for the rest of us, it does!

Very recently, one of my cousins, who has just turned 25, decided to start 'bride hunting'; much to my shock and dismay. But well, his life- I thought to myself! However, my relatives and family had a different take on it altogether. "He's 25 and already thinking of settling down. Look at you." exclaimed one of my aunts. "You should get married now; else when'll you have kids" said another one.

The entire situation put so much mental pressure on me that I started to contemplate if I was the one 'wrong' here. I wondered if this is the so called 'ideal' age to 'settle' and I was just being a rebel- because clearly my relatives did have me labelled as the 'black sheep'. By the twist of fate, surprisingly, around the same time, I met a guy who seemed a lot into me. Let's call him Mr. Maggi Noodles! Why? Because he literally fell in love with me within 2 minutes of knowing me!

So, Mr. Maggi was caring, gave me a lot of attention, made me his priority and also 'claimed' to be in love with me. As a Capricorn, I have my own set of trust issues, so I always thought there has to be a catch. From my parent's perspective though, he was the perfect son-in-law material- pretty well settled financially, extremely religious and influential. Even though I had no feelings for Maggi, I decided to take things forward, because of the fear of missing the bus! And of course, Mr. Right didn't seem like he was coming around, so I decided to 'settle' for Mr. Right Now.

Now, just to give you a little perspective, in my entire 'short term' dating history- never have I ever been interested to go out with someone on a second date (Still surprised about the number of dates with Mr. E!). But with Maggi, I decided to go on a second date. Did I like him enough for a second date? No. He was pompous, arrogant, rude, seemingly selfish and spoke excessively about 'the power of money'. But i still gave him a second chance, a second date. Why? Because I was willing to settle.

Some days later, however, when I came to my senses, and shrug off the idea of 'settling'- I decided to say goodbye to Mr. Maggi, who as it turned out was never in love with me to begin with, but wanted to get into my pants. After blocking him across social media, I wondered what the fuck had gotten into me- that I was willing to settle for someone who I was certain I would never like or love. Maybe I was giving up way too much, too soon. Maybe I was willing to 'settle' when my heart was 'unsettled'.

In all honesty, what Mr. 25 year old Cousin does with his life is his decision; and what I do with mine, is mine- solely. Yes I want to get married, but I do not wish to 'settle'. The quest for Mr. Right, can be exhausting and daunting, but my heart isn't willing to settle- just not yet! So I'm giving myself, one last chance, one last guy- one that I'm certain is Mr. Right, even though he says he isn't! But who knows what the future holds. We can only keep the hope alive!

So here's to all of you out there, with an 'unsettled' heart like mine- don't settle for someone who doesn't make you laugh. Don't settle for someone whose principals and values you don't agree with. Don't settle for someone who you don't want to come home to, every single night!

If you do however, have to settle, settle for those small little imperfections in your Mr. Right (when you do find him), that make him who he is. Soon, those will be the imperfections you fall for! My 'supposed' Mr. Right? I'm already halfway in love with him to even take notice of any imperfection! He's impeccable!